I didn't know whether this would be a good thought to write out, as it is a dangerous area, but sometimes things just have to be spoken about in order to make them a bit better. My family is a bit messed up, what with people not speaking to each other, constant arguing and deaths as a few examples. All are generally normal for a family, however maybe because of my own mental state, everything seems a lot worse. When I was younger, I used to hide under a table or bed whenever my sister started having a temper tantrum because I couldn't handle it. I hide up in my room to escape now instead because I still can't deal with it at all. My mum blames herself sometimes, because when I was a baby my dad worked and me and her stayed at home quietly because she didn't particularly enjoy being around people, she still doesn't, but neither do I. I think I got that from her. But because it was always so quiet she thinks that it's her fault that I can't cope well with noise. Honestly, my mum is amazing and I really don't tell her that enough, but she is. She has handled the past few years brilliantly. You're probably wondering what I mean by that and of what significance the past few years have. In 2012 my dad died in front of us. I won't go into that now, possibly in another thought, but I'm still learning to deal with it all right now. I don't particularly like a large majority of my family, however because of my age I have to spend time with them all on special occasions. But those aren't organised very often so I manage to pass through a long period of time without having anything to do with them. Most of them are just not very nice people to be around to be perfectly honest, but some are definitely worse than others. But like I said, I don't have to deal with them very often which is good. If I had to spend time with my family on a regular basis, I'm not sure how I'd handle it. Thankfully though I don't have to think about that. I'm really not sure what else to type because I don't like going into my thoughts about my family, it causes me a lot of problems mentally whenever I think about how bad things are and I can't speak about them now. So I guess I'm done. Talk tomorrow...
