5 months ago, my thoughts became a daily occurrence. 5 months ago, I wrote 4 then stopped. I can make excuses and say I didn't have time, or my laptop broke, or I was just too busy, but I'd be lying. Granted I'm in my GCSE year and have just finished my mock exams but that doesn't excuse the missing 3 and a half months in between. My laptop didn't break, it's just awful so there's that excuse down. And lastly, I don't have that many friends, and certainly there is only one that I see outside of school plus my boyfriend, so I haven't been particularly busy. I'm generally a very boring and lonely person. And I think it's because of that that I couldn't continue to publish my thoughts a few months ago. I'm scared that the few people I have around me will read this and figure out its me and leave and I really don't want that to happen, it can't. I don't want to be alone. I feel like there's a lot on my mind at the moment that I need to express and it's through this miraculous medium that I'm able to do so without causing someone to worry about me too much. One of my friends is actually one of my best friends in the world-I will discuss the topic of friends in another thought, but this is on my mind right now-and he genuinely does mean a lot to me, although he is thoroughly disliked by my boyfriend who is quite insecure and therefore jealous, and he doesn't really seem to understand just how much of an awesome person he is. He is constantly saying that he's not good enough and basically putting himself down constantly and it gets really quite upsetting because I can see what a brilliant person he is, as can many people, but he just can't. I do love him and he's always been there for me when I've needed him and hopefully he would say the same about me. We can always make each other laugh with the inside jokes we have... Beanhead if you ever read this I hope you smiled... If there was any doubt he knows who I'm on about now. If he reads this... And figures out its me... Who knows? So an open letter to Beanhead; I love you, you're brilliant and you will get through this, I'll help you if it kills me. Smile, please it suits you. Talk tomorrow...
