Promise Me Darkness (Excerpt)

Chapter 5

*****Warning - This chapter contains a violent scene.*****

For hours, I remained at a local coffee shop. I couldn't be in the same house with him. I was too afraid of what I wanted. So I caught up on emails and cruised the Internet. I was tempted to call Eva at work and cry on her shoulder but instead, I checked in with my dad and tried to keep my mind off of Ryder.

It was early evening when I finally headed home. Rain fell softly, making the streets slippery and the heat all that much more oppressive. I should have been paying more attention to driving in the rain but there was only one thing on my mind – who waited for me at home.

My nervousness shot up a notch at the thought of facing Ryder. I knew if he touched me, I would be lost. And despite the fact that I loved him, one night in his bed would never work. I just wasn't that type of girl.

I wasn't sure how I was going to face Ben either but I had to if I wanted our relationship to work. But did I want it to work? I wasn't sure anymore.

By the time I made it home, I decided to be truthful with both of them. We were all adults. We could handle it. Taking a deep breath, I opened the apartment door.

Ryder was sitting on the couch, holding a cup of coffee. He didn't try to talk to me. In fact, he didn't even look at me. It kind of hurt.

I somehow managed to walk past him without falling apart. In my room, I changed into a short black skirt and a dark red blouse with matching heels.

Back in the living room, I tossed my keys on the couch beside him. He gave me a questioning look.

"Just in case you need to go somewhere you can use my car. I've got a ride to the party. Just make sure you're sober if you drive," I said.

"Maddie, listen to me...."

I turned to leave. I couldn't talk to him right now. I didn't trust myself around him. I shut the front door quietly behind me, not wanting to go. Each step I took away from him caused an ache in my chest, a yearning to stay.

Through the rain, I spotted Elizabeth's car parked next to my small Honda. The rain made walking in heels a challenge but I was intent on leaving.

"Hey, Maddie," Elizabeth said as I climbed into her BMW. She was a fellow student and a friend of mine, thanks to a semester of tutoring her in chemistry.

"Thanks for the ride. I didn't want to leave my friend without a car tonight," I said.

"No problem. I saw Ben earlier today at the campus gym."

"Oh, really?" I murmured.

"Yeah. He said he felt really bad not driving you tonight but he said that you understood, with his responsibilities and all."

I nodded but didn't feel the need to respond. Ben took his fraternity very seriously. He was working on his master's degree in finance, had a summer internship at a large accounting firm, and was president of his fraternity. He had so much going for him. He was successful. He wanted a family. He wanted me, only me.

But he wasn't Ryder.

I watched the windshield wipers try to keep up with the falling rain. The radio played some latest, greatest pop song. Every few minutes, Elizabeth would try to strike up a conversation but she gave up when I only responded with one-word answers.

Through the windshield, I watched the houses and businesses fly by and tried not to think about Ryder. My body still burned from his lips and hands. His words still rang in my ears; 'I want you, Maddie. I want to fuck you.' How would I ever be able to forget them? But I had to. There was no other option.