Oh to be loved

20

TW: BIG AGE GAP so with that being said if your uncomfortable with that your free to leave :)

The cabin was quiet that night, save for the crackling of the fire in the hearth. Outside, the wind rustled through the trees, carrying with it the sounds of distant wildlife, but inside, everything felt still-almost too still. Amara sat on the couch next to Malik, who had finally fallen asleep, his breathing even and deep. His exhaustion had overtaken him, and for now, at least, he seemed to be resting.

Across the room, Cillian was perched in a wooden chair by the fireplace, the light from the flames casting flickering shadows across his face. His expression was hard to read, as it often was, but Amara could see the tension in his posture. He looked older like this-tired in a way she hadn't fully noticed before. Maybe it was the firelight, or maybe it was because she was finally seeing him as something other than the cold, unfeeling man she had imagined him to be.

She studied him for a moment, her thoughts swirling. Despite the danger, despite the confusion, despite the way her heart had betrayed her over and over since meeting him-there was one thing she hadn't yet faced directly.

His age.

It had been sitting in the back of her mind for weeks now, a lingering question that she hadn't dared to voice. She had known he was older from the start, of course. His presence, his experience, the way he carried himself-it all pointed to a man who had seen more of life than she had. But how much more? The growing feelings between them only made the question loom larger.

Amara shifted uncomfortably on the couch, her gaze flicking to Malik to ensure he was still asleep before turning back to Cillian. Now or never, she thought. She had to know.

"Cillian," she said softly, breaking the silence.

His gaze lifted to hers, the shadows of the fire dancing in his dark eyes. He didn't say anything, but the slight raise of his eyebrow told her he was listening.

She hesitated for a moment, unsure how to approach it. It felt strange to ask, strange to care so much, but it had become something she couldn't ignore. Finally, she took a breath and just said it.

"How old are you?"

Cillian's expression didn't change at first, but she saw the flicker of surprise in his eyes. He hadn't expected the question. For a moment, he said nothing, and Amara wondered if he was even going to answer.

But then, after a long pause, he leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I'm forty eight ," he said quietly.

The number hung in the air between them, heavy with unspoken meaning. Amara felt her heart skip a beat. Forty Eight She had suspected he was older, but hearing it aloud was different. She was twenty-six-there was nearly thirty years between them.

Amara swallowed hard, the weight of the truth settling over her. "That's... a lot older than me."

Cillian's expression remained unreadable, though she noticed the subtle shift in his demeanor. He wasn't avoiding her gaze, but there was a guardedness in his eyes now, as if he was preparing for whatever judgment might follow.

"It is," he said simply.

Amara shifted in her seat, her thoughts spinning. She hadn't known what she was expecting, but now that the number was out in the open, it made everything feel more real. More complicated. There was a lifetime between them, different worlds, different experiences. How could this-whatever this was-ever work?

But when she looked at him, really looked at him, she saw something deeper. She saw the man behind the hardened exterior, the man who had saved her, who had risked everything to protect her, even though he had no reason to. She saw the weight of his years in the way he carried himself, the quiet confidence of someone who had lived through things she couldn't begin to imagine.

"I'm not sure what to say," Amara admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Cillian's eyes softened just a fraction, though his face remained serious. "You don't have to say anything."

But Amara shook her head. "No, I- I want to understand. I guess I never really thought about it before. I knew you were older, but I didn't think it would matter. Now... I don't know."

There was a long pause, the fire crackling softly in the background as they sat in the silence. Cillian seemed to be considering his next words carefully, and when he finally spoke, his voice was low, measured.

"Age is just a number, Amara. It doesn't change who I am. But I understand if it makes you uncomfortable."

His words were calm, but she could feel the tension beneath them. He was giving her an out, a way to step back if she needed to. But that wasn't what she wanted. At least, not exactly.

"I'm not uncomfortable," she said slowly, as if trying to convince herself as much as him. "It's just... I don't know how this works."

Cillian leaned forward slightly, his gaze intent. "It doesn't have to work, Amara. You don't owe me anything. If this-" He gestured between them. "-is too much, we stop. I'll still protect you. That won't change."

Amara's chest tightened at his words. She didn't want to stop, but the reality of their age difference had forced her to confront things she hadn't wanted to think about. Could she really navigate a relationship with someone so much older, so much more experienced? What would people think? What would Malik think?

But then she thought about the way Cillian had kissed her, the way he had looked at her when he thought she wasn't watching. He wasn't just some cold, distant figure anymore. He was someone who made her feel seen, protected, in ways she hadn't expected.

"I don't want to stop," she whispered.

Cillian's gaze softened, and for a moment, the hard edges of his expression faded. "Then we don't," he said simply.

Amara felt a small knot of tension release in her chest. It wasn't a solution, not yet, but it was a step forward. She didn't know how to navigate this-there were still so many questions, so many doubts-but for now, that was enough.

As the fire crackled and the room settled back into silence, Amara found herself leaning into the comfort of the moment, even if just for a little while.

Cillian didn't say anything more, but the quiet understanding between them spoke louder than words.

And for the first time in a long time, Amara felt something she hadn't thought possible since stepping into this world with him.

She felt safe.