An Essay by a Poor Person

Untitled Part 1

When I was young, I had dreams of what my life was going to be. I would travel theworld, just for a vacation once a year. I would read all the books I wanted to read. I would bakeanything my heart desired. I would have a cat or two, and I would love them dearly. I would havefriends and we would have new experiences together. I would love who I was, I would lovehaving the freedom to be. 

 I did what everyone is told to do. I got good grades in school, stayed out of trouble, andenrolled in college when I graduated. I got my first job at fourteen for a little spending money. Iworked in fast food. Then I quickly changed course to work at a movie theater part time while Iwas in high school. I made five hundred dollars every two weeks. I thought that was excellent. Isaved. When I graduated high school, I had enough to buy my own car. I attended college onlinebecause the pandemic required me to do so. I didn't have a job for a while because of it. But Icouldn't collect unemployment because I was underage at the time. So, I was just eating moneyout of the little savings I had left while the pandemic raged on around me.

Things opened back up but my employer didn't. I was told thrice that I had a job but wedidn't open back up for another year. I was forced to get a job at a popular chain outlet store inthe local mall. I got minimum wage. They could only hire me part time. I had to wear a mask andtell other people they needed to wear masks for ten dollars an hour. 

 Then I got diagnosed with epilepsy. My whole world turned upside down. I began ayears-long journey of testing and expensive anticonvulsants. I couldn't work full time even if Imanaged to find a different job because I had to deal with my health. I was losing my sanity andmy money at an alarming rate. It was decided that there was no medical cause for my seizures. Ijust had to live with it, and pay for expensive drugs to help, and deal with the trauma that came. Icouldn't drive according to doctor's orders. All while living in a post-pandemic world with littlemoney and little time. 

 I got a remote job which wasn't really remote because my boss made me come into theoffice to do the jobs that she didn't want to do. If I had said no, I would have lost the only jobthat would hire someone without a college degree and without full time work experience, whichwas completely out of my control. For a year, I had to get rides to go to work because my bossdidn't want to. I soon figured out that working behind a desk for nine hours a day under someonethat wasn't qualified for the job they had was not the life for me. I secured a full-time job at themovie theater that I had worked at before.

 At this point, the theater was supposedly doing better and had the room to bring me backfull-time. I left, with a significant pay decrease, and worked twelve-hour shifts on my feet. I gotscreamed at, talked down to, and blamed. But I knew the job well and I tolerated the people Iworked with.

 Then I got sexually-harassed. I reported it. The district manager said that there was notenough evidence and I could continue working there or quit. I quit. I was unemployed onceagain. This time, as an adult.

 I went back to school. I lived forty-five minutes away from campus as I could not affordanything closer. I was told that getting my degree would open up job opportunities for me. Butcollege was too expensive and I was declining mentally because of the workload required. Intotal, I had to put seventy hours of work per week into my studies. 

I couldn't afford it. I couldn'thandle it. I dropped out and got a job at a different movie theater. I worked full-time as a manager. But this theater was going downhill fast. There werevery little customers. Upper management said that there were no hours to give. I started gettingscheduled less and less. I had weeks where I was only scheduled twelve hours. And that wasconsidered lucky. I was a manager getting below part time hours. My rent in my duplex wastwelve-hundred dollars, not including utilities and electricity. 

 My savings were getting demolished and I couldn't afford anything other than my bills. IfI needed new clothes, I went to Goodwill and hoped they had my size. I bought everything Icould second-hand. I didn't upgrade my phone, didn't purchase new shoes, didn't go shoppingunnecessarily. I didn't spend money on eating out. I didn't spend money on vacations or nightsout. I couldn't afford to.

I renewed my lease yesterday as this is the only place I can afford, even though mylandlord raised the rent on me. Today, my landlord canceled my renewal because they don't wantme here anymore. I have to be out in forty-five days. 

 I just got a second job. I start training next week. I don't have time to move. I can't affordto take time off, especially from the job that I just got. I work hourly at both jobs. If I get sick orhave an emergency, I don't have any PTO to fall back on. I don't have any sick days that I cantake. I can't.

 Now I have to prepare to spend at least a couple thousand dollars just to get into a newplace. I have to take time off of two jobs to move. I have to spend money on boxes and tape topack my stuff. I have to take the time to pack my stuff. I have to put in the time to researchplaces that I can afford, tour those places on the limited time that I have off. I have to keep upwith my online courses in the meantime. 

 It is so expensive being poor. 

 All the things I dreamed of as a child seem like a fever dream now. Those dreams weren'teven outlandish or exaggerated. I just wanted to have the life that everyone deserves. I wantedthe bare necessities that life has to offer. But those dreams are so far away now. So many thingsthat I had hoped for are gone. I don't know how I can do this. 

I thought that if I worked hard, I would be rewarded and could live a comfortable life.But I'm not. I get pushed back further and further. I rarely see my family or friends because I'mbusy working at my job or for school. It took me months to get hired somewhere part-time. Andnow, I have to tell them that I need time off for an unprecedented move. I have to take that hit. 

I hoped that these young years would be the fun years of my life. But I am stressing overfinances. There is no hope in sight for me ever owning a house. If something happens to my car,I can't afford to get it fixed. If something happens to me, I can't afford to get better. I can onlyafford to go to work and sleep. This is not the life I would wish for anyone. My childhooddreams seem so futile. Now I find myself dreaming of making twenty dollars an hour.

I didn't know I could be stretched this thin.