Wildfire | Kayce Dutton • Yellowstone

Another Tragedy

A few days have passed since we laid Lee Dutton to rest, the oldest of the Dutton siblings. The 38 bachelor now was six feet under and the Dutton family was caught up in another tragedy involving the youngest Dutton sibling, Kayce Dutton. I hadn't seen the youngest Dutton since that summer I was 17, not until now.

Nothing prepared me to see him again. To see the face of someone I once knew so well. I felt hopeless when his eyes fell on me and stayed on my face. As he took in every detail of the face that now belonged to a different version of myself he never knew. I wanted to look away the moment I saw all the unspoken words behind his eyes but I couldn't move no matter how hard I fought. My body  betrayed me as it froze up the second our eyes locked and all those memories rushed in. Suddenly, I was back in that barn screaming at him. Screaming the words I hate you at him and how I want nothing to do with him ever again.

But we weren't 17 & 18 anymore. We weren't in that same barn where I had gave all of me to him, over and over and over again when I swore everytime was the last time because I knew nothing good would come of it. I knew we wouldn't work. We couldn't. I was too damaged and not built for love.

I saw the hesitation in his movement before he took a cautious step towards me. I turned around and walked away before he could get the chance to get any closer to me. I would never let him get close to me again. A part of me felt horrible because he had just lost a brother and I knew the feeling but the other part couldn't be near him despite the circumstances. Besides, it wasn't my place to comfort him or offer him any words to ease his pain. No, he had his wife to do that for him. There was nothing I could offer him so I just kept walking and put all the distance I could between us. Exactly how I walked away from him that night and promised myself I'd figure out how to undo this wildfire that  he started up in my heart all those years ago. No matter how long it would take and dammit has it been taking a long while. Ten years later and the consequences of loving a cowboy who was never mine still lingered.

***

The stench of beer and smoke greeted me as I entered the bunkhouse. Everyone was too busy in what possibly was their 10th round to notice my presence. Ryan was the only one who sacrificed a glance towards me as I walked in and shot me a sideways smirk. "Come here to get your ass handed to you Wren?"

"Better shut that pretty little mouth before I sit down at this table Ryan and, well, you know what happens after that" I shoot him a wink.

"Come put your money where your mouth is!" Colby points to an empty seat next to him.

"Not tonight boys. I'll save y'all the embarrassment. I came down here to see if any of you happen to know where my brother is?"

The entire table went quiet. Lloyd shot me a look that told me enough. "Guess I'll find him myself then. Y'all have a good night" I start towards the door.

"Probably best to just wait for him to come back" Lloyd started but I cut him off

"I said have a good night" I say sharply before slamming the door behind me. I dig my phone out from my back pocket and dial rips number. Straight to voicemail. This motherfucker. I call him a few more times and still got his voicemail every time. My brother always answers my phone call and the only time he doesn't is when he is out handling business. What the business was this time around I wasn't sure but if I had to take a wild guess it probably had to do with burying Kayce's secrets. Finding a way to destroy the existence of that report that proves he executed that man. Robert Long. The man who fired the shot that killed Kayce's brother, and the man who happened to be his brother in law. Only god knows what kind of death Rip is granting at the moment.

I made my way back to the main house. When I first arrived to this ranch, John Dutton said he would not be allowing an 8 year old girl to live in a bunkhouse full of grown filthy men so he let me stay up at the main house with him and his family. Rip on the other hand did not get to stay at the main house, hell John didn't even let him in at the bunkhouse. Rip slept in a barn. I felt bad sleeping in a warm bed in what was the nicest house I ever stepped foot in but that was the way John Dutton said it would be. It was rough sleeping under a roof with strangers and away from the only person I trusted those first couple of months.

Everyone treated me nice at the house. The boys were kind and respectful. Kayce and I got along right off the bat. Maybe because we were the closest in age but he always made me feel like I belonged here. Beth Dutton on the other hand, she wasn't so fond of me at first and so the first couple of months consisted of her blatantly ignoring me. Never paid me no mind except for the one time I called her Bethany because Lee had dared me to one time and she about lost her shit on me. It took her ages to actually care about my existence and make an effort to talk to me. Couldn't say the same for Rip. I saw how she looked at my brother the second she laid eyes on him and I saw the way he looked at her. Saw how they looked at each other. As if no one else existed but them. I knew it was going to be trouble with those two and boy was I right. Beth was trouble, and a bitch. A bitch I ended up loving as a sister. Despite the shitty way she has treated my brother in the past. I learned to not get involved in their business anymore, learned to not get in the middle years ago. Whatever happens with them stays between them, and nobody would ever understand it but them. And that's the way it will stay.

Beth was sitting out on the porch, a cigarette in between her fingers and a glass of vodka in her other hand. She eyed me up and down as I walked up the steps. "You look pretty fucking pissed."

I let out a long sigh as I took up the seat across from her. "Well leave it up to my brother to piss me off." Beth chuckled into her glass, taking slow and long sips of her drink.

"What'd he do now? Send you to voicemail?"

I shot her a sideways glance. How she knows everything, I don't know.

"It's better off that you don't always know what your brother is doing. Just let him handle what he has to and don't ask him any fucking questions"

"He don't answer them even if I do ask them. He just keeps me in the dark as always, just like all the other boys do. I had to work just as hard as he did, did the same work him and all the other guys had to do and honestly I probably do it better but whenever some shit happens everyone just treats me like some fucking baby who can't handle shit. He never talks to me about any of it. Doesn't let me be there for him."

"You did work your ass off and look what you did with your life" she took another sip from her glass. "You were the only girl down on that ranch working just as hard as all those with a dick between their legs. You never took shit from any of them. My father never admitted and he probably never will but he was impressed by you and that is something my father rarely is. Impressed. But you... you impressed him. After all the shit life threw at you, you got here and didn't complain. Didn't ask questions. You did what you were told and you worked, put yourself through school. Nursing school. Nurse practitioner school. You now work independently, you've opened up your own practice. Made a name for yourself. Got your last name on a fucking building taking care of people, healing them. Your soul is pure, Wren. Unlike most of us on this fucking ranch so do you blame him if he doesn't want to involve you in shit that could put you in a position where you can lose everything you worked so hard for? Let yourself be ruined?"

When I didn't say anything, she went on. "He's just trying to protect you, Wren. That's the kind of man your brother is. A man who believes protecting you is his sole purpose on this earth. So let him do that even if it pisses you the fuck off." Beth stared at me but I couldn't bring my eyes to meet hers. I could only stare out into the starry filled sky as Beth pulled out another cigarette from her pack, lighting it while it sat between her teeth as we let the silence fall over us.