In Shadows and Starlight

Another Day .

Jay sat cross-legged on her small ,creaky bed. the dim glow of her laptop casting floating shadows across the peeling wallpaper .The soft of her ceiling fan filled the room ,a monotonous white noise that drowened out the emptiness around her .Her cluttered desk bore the weight of open text books ,unpaid bills ,and the remnant of last night's instant noodles -her usual dinner .The faint aroma of artificial chicken seasoning still lingered in the air .

Her phone vibrated on her bed side .A notification from social media .Another perfect picture from an old classmate ,smilling with friends or flaunting a recent vaccation.Jay  stared at it for a moment before swipping it away ,her chest tightening with a familiar ache .She couldn't even bring heerself to " like" the post . It felt hypocritical.

She glanced at the corner of the mirror propped up against the wall ,avoiding her full reflection .Her gaze lingered on her round face ,her soft arms resting on her lap,and the oversized shirt she wore to hide herself .At 5'6" and overweight ,she often felt like she took up too much space in the world- too much space and yet not enough to matter .

Her hand hovered over her laptop as she closed the browser on yet another dreamy Wattpad story .Those stories gave her temporary escape,a world where the chubby girl with glasses ,another " imperfect" poor girl  was always loved by the perfect guy,but reality was far harsher .In reality no one looked at her that way and if they were they were chasing " the sweet forbiden fruit". Not at her part-time  job , not at college ,not even her own familly ,who often gave her well- meaning but cutting remarks:" you'd be  so much prettier if you lost some weight ."

She wanted to scream sometimes ,but instead ,she swallowed it down ,adding it to the weight she already carried inside.she bit her lip ,her eyes darting toward the blade she had shoved deep inside her drawer weeks ago .The thought had lingered again earlier - just a fleeting moment of wondering if everything would feel lighter if she just...stopped.

But something always stopped her .Maybe fear .Maybe it was the small flicker of hope burried under the layers of self-hate .Or maybe it was a part of her that still wanted to be loved . Truly loved.

She shifted her focus back to the screen .Episodes of her favourite drama queued up, the romantic tension between the leads something she ached for .She imagined what it would be like to have someone look at her like that - like she was the most beautiful thing in the world , flaws and all.

Her eyes grey heavy as the screen blurred . Sleep was always her escape .In her deams ,she wasn't the lonely ,overweight girl stuck in a small ,suffocating room . She was someone worth chasing,someone who mattered .

As she drifted  off ,her room dimmed even further ,the weight of her loneliness wrapping around her like a thick ,suffocating blanket.

This quiet , almost lifless routine would be shattered soon .Jay didn't know it yet ,but her world was about to collide with something -or someone -that would change the course of her life forever .