From Notes To Nevermind

|Chapter 9|

Avni

I don't know why, but after knowing that Mayra knows Sameer my heart feels heavy.

I took a bus and left, i don't want to look at him to say bye,cause he'll see my eyes they are on verge of shedding oceans.

While i was looking out of the window trying my best not to cry , a kid came up to me.

"What happened didi?"

I sighed.

"It's nothing, I'm  just...just  a little sad"

"I also get sad sometimes "The kid said while looking at me with his innocent doe eyes.

I smiled weakly .

"Ohh accha,and what do you do when you get sad?"

"I keep my head in my mumma's lap and tell her everything ,it makes me feel good "

" You're so lucky, atleast you have your mom by your side"

After a while, I reached the bus stop.I said  bye to that kid and left.

This 25minutes walk was so perfect in the morning but now this blank streets are staring at me,and it's like they are mocking and laughing.''Aayu,tune socha bhi kaise,that someone will like you?.''

As soon as i reached home,i went back to my room.                                                                                                          

 I did'nt even had the energy to remove my clothes and somehow crawled to my bed, I thought when i'll get back home, I'll tell  Nidhi about my whole  day, but if now i go to her and try to tell her anything , I'll burst out.

Luckily Dia aunty went to some of her friends house,and uncle was on a buisness meeting.

just by then i got a call by mumma,maybe she's missing me...

''Aayu your monthly exams are coming ,do better atlest''

''hmm'' My voice barely above a whisper.

She did'nt even notice i was trying not to cry.

This was all she wanted to say,she did'nt even bothered to ask me how i'm doing.

For a second,I just stared at the screen, i know ,If i say more,the floodgates will open ,and i won't be able to stop myself from breaking.

Before i could ask her how is she doing ,

The line went dead.

The tears i was trying to stop,came in torrents,hot and uncontrollable,and my breath grow shallow ,ragged.

My chest thightens ,each inhale sharper like knives ,nearly stabbing my lungs .My hands trembled so violently,I can't steady them,and the world around me blurs .

Ohh no.It's happening again.

The panic attacks.The ones i thought i'd  left behind.

I clutch my chest,gasping for air that just won't come ,my body shaking unctrollbaly

Why is this happening?.Why now?.

I try to think of something-anything to make it stop ,but the thoughts spiral faster and louder,until they drown me.

I can't breathe. nidhi ,h....help...please.