second chances // l.h

four

In the morning, Sam and I arose early enough to watch the sun rise over the ocean. I lay down on the sand, my head in his lap.

The waves lapped over the white sand and it was the most peace I had had in ages.

"How are you?" He asked, looking down at me. I shrugged, raking my fingers through the sand.

"I still hate him," I say, indirectly pinpointing the topic.

"You never stopped loving him, Chey, don't lie to yourself."

I sigh, sitting up. After running my hands through my hair, I turn to look at him.

"He hurt me."

He pulls me closer to him, and I lay my head on his shoulder. "Not as much as you hurt him."

I bit my lip to keep from lashing out, something I learned in the psych ward.

"You heard how he was, Sammy. I hate him."

"You said that in the beginning and you say that now. What did you think in the middle, when it was good?"

And we go back to where we start, because with Luke, it was never good.

.

My phone had buzzed repeatedly all morning and into the afternoon and we were all tired of it.

Each time it lit up it was because it was a call, or text, from Luke.

"That's fucking it!" Micah said, springing up from the couch where we were all watching, or trying to, TV.

He snatched the phone up from the coffee table and was about to chuck it onto the floor.

Samuel quickly stood up and took the phone from his clutched fist.

"Bro. Bro!" he repeated, trying to get Micah's attention. "Dude, we'll just disconnect her phone."

Mic ran his hand over his face, lowering his arm.

"You're right, you're right." He reasoned, but like fucking Anna from Frozen, he gave the pretense that he was calmed down enough but when it vibrated again, he launched it at the couch, making me scream in surprise.

"I'm gonna buy you another fucking phone," Micah said, grabbing his keys from the table and slamming the door shut.

We stayed in silence, still trying to recover from his out burst.

"He's just jealous, he'll be fine." Samuel, explained.

I dug out my phone from in between the couch cushions and opened the text app, opening his messages, although I really didn't want to read them.

private caller

yesterday, 8:39pm
cheyanne please pick up
dont ignore me
fucking cheyanne pick up

yesterday, 10:21pm
is nearly two hours not enough for you to pick up this motherfucking phone?!

today, 12:05am
cheyanne..

today, 7:20am
cheyanne i need to talk to you

today, 7:22am
please talk to me i can explain myself xx

today, 7:27am
altho , really, you should explain your whole mental state, bc in order for me to understand you and be with you , i gotta now whats going on with tou

today, 7:28am
know* not now && you* not tou

today, 10:44am
do i have to go fucking look for you? i have people, chey

today, 1:08pm
👿👿👿👿👿

"Why do you have him as private caller?" Sam asks, leaning over to look at the screen.

"I deleted his number while in rehab... he must've blocked it off since he's so famous now." I explain.

Samuel scoffs, his attention going back to the tv screen, just as a commercial about the new album flashes across the screen.

" "Sounds Good, Feels Good"." Sam reads. "Catchy."

I huff in frustration, pushing myself off the couch. "I'm going for a walk." I say softly, overpowered by some song off the album.

I swivel on my heels and head out the sliding glass doors.

I slouch into one of the wicker chairs and pick up my phone again.

His texts still loom on the screen and I blink in hopes of making them all go away.

I close out of his messages and go to call my brother, who I really much needed right now.

The phone ringed once before Liam picked up. "Baby girllllllllllllll," he yelled, unnecessarily dragging out the word.

"Hi Liam," I laughed, pulling my knees up to my chest. "How's Cali? The sun, the surf, the sand?" 

"You sound like a commercial for a cruise, quit it," I chuckle, enjoying his happiness. "Alright, alright. What's up?"

I debate on whether or not I should tell him about Luke. He knew what happened vaguely but I wasn't all ready to talk to everyone about my problems like that. I was supposed to talk to more people, but it takes time for that and... I couldn't just spill stuff out to everyone I met.

So I refrained for now, I could tell him later, after all. I didn't know how big this was going to get anyways, so I stopped myself.

"I'm fine, Li, how are you? When are you going to come see me?"

I snuggled further into the plush pillows of the chair out on the deck in the sunny state of California, feeling not so sunny at all.