Burnout | LottieNat

like i'm burning alive, like a sign

Natalie Scatorccio feels like she's burning alive.

It's tough to say the cause of this insufferable feeling, it could be the lack of constants in her life; the constant moving around, the abuse she endures from her father, the lack of friends or a stable home. It could be the crippling addiction to drugs, or anything she can get her hands on that could give her some kind of high. Maybe it's the suffocating air in her trailer, creeping up on her slowly and stealing the air from her lungs when she wants it the most.

It's been a really fucking hard life, compared to most kids.

Natalie is many things, but she is not her father. This comes to light when once again her family is forced to pack up their trailer, and move to a new town. All because her dad got busted for dealing. Again.

It's called Wiskayok, some small town in New Jersey that will most likely make her go clinically insane. Well, maybe that's a bit dramatic. It could be great, for all Nat knows. Moving halfway across the country wasn't the best move her father has ever made, but at least he's sober enough to actually move, otherwise he wouldn't have any chance of outrunning the police. Best to move before they realise what he's doing, right?

Natalie's father isn't a lot of things, but a coward is sure as hell one of them.

-

The first thing Nat thinks when they pass the sign that is printed with large letters reading 'Welcome to Wiskayok' is what the actual fuck.

This place is like a suburb, without any city. It looks very... dirty. Not in a dusty way, more like in a way that screams that if you don't get out of there the second you graduate, you're stuck for the rest of your life. Yeah, Nat could live with that. Only a year left of high school, and if her dad doesn't uproot her again, she can leave. Run away, get a van and never look back.

That's the dream, right?

Natalie doesn't want to go to college, it's just another four years of bullshit that'll put her in debt for life. It's not worth it, it's not like she has any reason to go. She's basically just planning on living in some shitty car until she can rent an apartment, then die peacefully. Alone.

After her dad leaves to go to some weird bar, and her mom gets blackout drunk and falls asleep on the couch, she leaves the trailer to walk around a bit. She goes to check out the high school she's supposed to attend, Wiskayok High. It's only like a half hour walk away, which is a relief. It's blisteringly hot outside, which is pretty fucking annoying for Natalie's italian ass.

The school looks like every public high school ever. She walks around the perimeter for a bit, seeing a massive field, shouts echoing from the sidelines. There's a group of girls, all wearing blue uniforms with splashes of yellow on them. It must be a soccer team or some shit, practicing on the weekend. Why would they willingly do that, Nat doesn't know.

She pulls a cigarette box she stole from her dad from the inside pocket of her leather jacket, flicking her lighter until there's a satisfying click and she can take a satisfying hit from her blunt. The tension in her body releases, and Nat leans against a wall.

Just gotta finish senior year, then it'll be over, right?

-

Nat's maybe a couple hours into her first school day, and she already wants to fucking kill herself.

Apparently the guys in this school have no class, and clearly no shame because she keeps getting catcalled in the hallway. The girls seem like straight up bitches, who mostly just glare at her when she walks by, or has to sit next to them.

She walks into the bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her shaggy brunette hair grew longer over the summer, now a couple inches below her shoulders. Her skin looks pale as ever, and the thick eyeliner she wears contrasts her skin tone so much she looks like a vampire. Just the look she was going for.