Double Take

Chapter 34

Rain

I never thought we would reach this point.

"For sure may nagawa ako..." I said calmly after pouring out my frustrations. My voice was laced with certainty. Kasi kung wala, bakit ganito? It doesn't make sense at all. Kaya siguradong may nagawa akong mali na ikinasama ng loob niya.

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment, hoping I would realize it on my own. Pero wala akong maisip o maalalang nagawa na pweding ikasama ng loob niya sa akin.

"But... I'm not really sure what was it. Please tell me so I could compromise."

Dumilat ako at seryoso siyang tiningnan.

"So I could properly apologize... and be mindful to not do it again next time."

He didn't speak.

"Rael, please..." Pakiusap ko. "Talk to me, love."

Tinalikuran niya ako at nagpatuloy siya sa kaninang ginagawa na parang walang narinig. I suddenly wanted to kick those fucking chairs for existing but I stopped myself. There's already a fire and I don't want to add more fuel. I know that we can still solve this in a peaceful way. We can sort this out. We just have to communicate better. No need to be aggressive.

I swallowed hard before I decided to come near him. He's so focused on aligning the chairs that he didn't mind me being close to him. Naalala ko ang pag-atras niya kanina. Bumuntong-hininga ako at mabilis iyon na iwinaglit sa isipan. I don't like it. Honestly, I hate it. How he stepped back as if my presence was too much to take.

"This relationship is new to me. Actually, this is my first. I was an asshole before and I don't take things seriously. It was not something to be proud of, I know. And I'm still trying to be a better person right now. Kaya patawarin mo sana ako kung may nagawa akong hindi maganda nang hindi ko namamalayan. You can tell me about it. Pag-usapan natin ng maayos. You can even correct me. You have the right to do so. I promise, I will listen carefully. I will make it up to you..."

Napasinghap siya at saglit na natigilan.

I held the chair that he was supposed to move next. Hindi niya iyon nagalaw kaya tuluyan ko nang nakuha ang buong atensiyon niya. He glared at me but I watched him back submissively.

"Why aren't you speaking?" Maingat na tanong ko.

He shook his head. "Wala tayong dapat pag-usapan—"

"Don't be ridiculous, Rael." Pagputol ko sa kanya. Kung paano ko napapanatiling kalmado pa rin ang boses ko, hindi ko na rin alam. "Marami. Marami tayong dapat pag-usapan. You've been ignoring me for weeks and now you tell me we still don't have something to discuss about? Paano natin 'to maaayos kung hindi tayo mag-uusap?"

"I don't want to talk to you."

What?

He can't be serious, right?

I licked my lips and closed my eyes. This... is making me dizzy. Dahan-dahan akong dumilat habang kinakalma ang sarili. Our eyes met but he immediately avoided my pleading gaze.

"Umalis ka na, Benj—"

"Let's talk first. Aalis ako pagkatapos." I insisted.

"Ayokong makipag-usap."

"Ngayon?" I probed calmly. Natahimik siya. Tumango ako habang iniisip ang lahat ng mga pweding gawin kung sakali. My tongue pokes the inside of my cheek as I forced myself to nod again, assuring him. "Sure, I can still adjust. Pero mag-uusap na tayo bukas—"