Reacting to Trials of Apollo...but with a twist

Reacting To...the, uh, failed unaliving attempt (Book 3)

So, warning, remember that bit in the Burning Maze where Apollo tried to kill himself? This is about that, so proceed with any caution necessary. Also, because I'm a nerd, I'm going to include a very small Greek mythology reference that probably no one will get, but if you feel like a game, see if you can spot it!

"Okay, this may be a heavy one."

I swear to-" Artemis started.

"No threats please, let's just get into it!"

'Wait!' I screamed, pulling an arrow from my quiver.

"You're not. You're not going to do what I think you're going to do." Artemis said to Apollo, who just looked at the floor, shockingly quiet.

The emperor's remaining guards levelled their soeard, but the emperor shouted, 'HOLD!'

I didn't try to draw my bow. I didn't attack Caligula. Instead, I turned the arrow inward and pressed the point against my chest.

Caligula's smile evaporated. He examined me with thinly veiled contempt. 'Lester
..what are you doing?'

'Let my friends go,' I said. 'All of them. Then you can have me.'

The emperor's eyes gleamed like a strix's. 'And if I don't?'

I summoned my courage, and issued a threat I never could have imagined in my previous four thousand years of life. 'I'll kill myself.'

"Apollo-"

"Before you say anything, it's not like I was doing it because I wanted to die, I was trying to protect my friends!" Apollo said. Artemis muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'This time.'

"That still doesn't make it okay." The goddess said.

"You threaten to kill me all the time!"

"That's different, I know I wouldn't actually do it!"

"Artie, that was centuries ago, I'm over it-"

"No, you're not, don't bullshit me about this, Apollo."

"I'm just saying, you know I wouldn't actually kill myself."

"Do I? I thought that last time and you remember where that got us! Don't get upset with me for being worried about you."

"Artie-"

"This is not an 'Artie' situation, Apollo! Gods, you can't do this, I can't handle this!"

"You can't handle it? I'm the one who threatened to kill myself!"

"That's exactly my point, are you so stuck in your own head that you haven't even considered what it would be like for me if you actually went through with it?"

"Do you really my thought process in a situation like that is going to be 'Oh, wait a second, what would Artemis think'?"

"Gods, you're so frustrating!"

"I'm aware!"

"I can't believe you sometimes!"

"Neither can I!"

"This isn't just about you! I know you think the world revolves around you, but it doesn't! You need to stop thinking about yourself for once in your life!"

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really think I'm stupid enough to think about me all the time? If I did, I probably wouldn't be here right now."

"Apollo-"

"Gods, if I considered myself at all, then I'd be long gone. I have so few things keeping me from falling off the deep end and over the centuries they're just gotten fewer and fewer. So please, please, just for, like, five minutes, don't call me selfish, or narcissistic, or anything else that you're thinking eight now, because you're one of the few things I have left, and I can't handle that right now." Apollo wiped a tear off his cheek. "Gods, I'm so stupid." He muttered.

"I- no you're not." Artemis said, her voice softer now.

"Shut up. Just shut up. I fucking can't right now."

"Can't with what?"

"Everything! The world, you, my own stupid life! I'm tired, Artie. I'm so, so tired." He would have fallen to the floor if Artemis hadn't taken him in her arms and sat down with him. "I can't do this anymore, Artie." Apollo bit back a sob.

"It's okay, you can cry." Artemis said, her voice gentle and quiet.

"No I can't." Apollo said, smiling slightly and looking so, so broken. "I never can."

(A bit of Apollo angst for you. Well, okay, it's for me. You'll probably only have spotted the mythology reference if you're a huge nerd like me, or just a big Hyapollo fan (also like me), but here's a hint: Go read the Wikipedia page about Hyacinthus and Apollo. It's very interesting (at least in my opinion) and gives you a lovely fact to share next time you want to bring the mood down.)