One Stupid Thing

There's Nothing Holding Me Back

Some mature content ahead ;)
IT'S HAPPENING PEOPLE! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!
You really didn't think I'd leave you hanging like that did you? Nah, I'm too impatient not to release this now, even though it's almost 1 AM.
——

JJ let's out a relieved laugh. He takes the ring out of its box, I hold out my left hand and he slips it onto my finger. I can hardly contain my excitement for any longer. I throw my arms around him, taking him by surprise and knocking him backwards onto the blanket.

Completely overcome with joy, I pepper kisses all over his face before landing on his lips, straddling him with a knee on either side of his torso, caressing his jaw with my fingertips.

I feel him stir beneath me and before I know it I'm being flipped over onto my back. The sudden movement earns a surprised noise from the back of my throat. JJ hovers over me, my head trapped between his hands as he holds himself up.

I would be completely lost in his touch if it weren't for the nagging feeling in my gut. Guilt. We can't do this. Not until he knows.

"JJ, stop," I say firmly, pushing him away from me.

He pulls away, hurt clouding his eyes. "Shit. I'm sorry." He backs away from me until his back collides with the log.

"No, no, don't apologize. I-I want to, but I can't."

Hurt turns to confusion. "What do you mean?"

"There's something I need to tell you." I pull his leather jacket back around my shoulders and move to sit beside him, tucking my knees into my chest.

"You're kinda scaring me," he says.

"I promise you this is a lot scarier for me than it is for you," I laugh, but it's a sad sound. "Do you remember the Summer Movie Series two years ago?"

He pauses to think. "That was the day Sarah and John B ran off together, right?"

"Right. Um, the day before there was this Kook party that Sarah had convinced me to go to."

"You went to a Kook party?"

I nod. "Yeah I know, not like me at all. In fact, I hated it so much that I went and hid on the third floor balcony. I didn't think anyone would find me there and then T-Topper showed up." My voice breaks at the mention of his name. "And, um, y-you know what kind of things they do at those parties—"

"Hard, hard drugs. Probably laced with some shit too."

"—Right. Um, well, he was definitely on something, and he was drunk and stumbling all over the place talking about my sister." I wrap my arms around myself, pulling the jacket close to me like a shield, not even daring to look at JJ because I know that I won't be able to go through with it if I do. "It's not a big deal, I mean he probably doesn't even remember it, but—"

"Stella." JJ's voice goes rigid. He places a hand on my knee and looks right into my eyes. "Tell me what happened."

My lip trembles, I fiddle with the cuff on his sleeve. "I tried to get away from him before anything could happen, but h-he pinned me against the railing and, and he g-grabbed me a-and and he touched—"

"I'm going to kill him."

"JJ, no—"

"I am going to murder that son of a bitch."

"JJ, please, just listen to me!" Tears are freely flowing from the corners of my eyes. "I didn't tell you so that we could get revenge. I don't want you to go to prison over someone like him. I told you because I wanted you to understand why I reacted the way I did."