What's the point what's the point what's even the point anymore what am I how do I feel stuff I don't understand I'm seen as happy, loud, sky high energetic playful and teased others for fun great I've been lately about to lose it haha great being dramatic again great I barley have any motivation to get up out of my bed great I think I might overdose soon again great I wish everyone would hate me so that I could die without regret I wish that I knew who I was I wish that I could've done better why do I hold guilt over that still why do I hold guilt over everything everything else is so loud shut up shut up shut up shut shut up I don't want to hear a I love you anymore it's all to much what's the point of waking up when it's all the same fuck fuck fuck what's the point of living my family is a bunch of weird pedos and my mom doesn't like me does she she only pretends to like me in pity does she and then she says I love you, I don't deserve love but at the same time I'm craving attention aren't I an attention seeker I'm so fucking dramatic I'm really sorry for even existing this is just... I hate myself I should die I'd love to see that happen I wish no one loved me, then I would ent feel guilty or sorry I'm sorry that I'm worthless and that you never wanted to give birth to me because I was a college mistake I'm really sorry I can't stop these tears I'm really sorry for being a manipulative bitch and being whiny I'm really sorry for what you call your daughter your granddaughter your aunt I'm sorry I don't fit in with preppies or stuff I'm sorry for deceiving everything and everyone. What's the point... I really hate this everything is so noisy please shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up quiet down I'm sorry for being ungrateful I'm sorry for not being able to reciprocate feelings I wish I could be alone in some empty world with no one to bother me me not having to think or worry for once I wish that I hadn't been a mistake. I hate my whole entire existence. It's been getting worse. WORSE. I'm feeling more left out and depressed than EVER. Lately these days my friends have been closer than ever playing these games that I dislike, I don't want to manipulate them into playing the games I like because that would be TERRIBLE. I don't want to horde all the attention for myself but this is literally the worst feeling ever. First they got voice chat, and since I didn't have it I felt even more left out. So I secretly got it and when my mom found out I get in trouble. I RISKED GETTING SOMETHING I COULDN'T HAVE JUST TO FEEL IN? But surprisingly. My mom SURPRISINGLY let me have it but only if I talk with them, HONESTLY? I DONT EVEN WANT TO ANYMORE. Now they got discord and go on calls with each-other . I WILL never have discord or even get it secret because if I do my mom will beat the HECK out of me. HONESTLY? I feel like TRASH right now. I feel worthless and puny. I feel like they hate me and think I'm annoying. IF ANYONE IS READING THIS. SAY WHAT YOU WANT CALL ME A MANIPULATOR CALL ME DRAMATIC I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. This has been going around for so long I can't even count anymore. I'm sorry if I'm yapping or being annoying. As time goes on I notice that they both seem to be losing interest in me and were slightly annoyed by me probably. I just feel like freaking trash by everyone. I try my best to be enjoyed and loved by people but it always backfires on me and makes my mental health worse , I just want someone to care about me and ACTUALLY enjoy speaking to me. I have some friends that do, thank you SO much I appreciate that. Why do so many people hate me? I always strive to be good and enjoyable to be around. 2025 will most likely be even awful . I hope my friends include me more and pay more attention to me. I still will feel worthless anyways and this will be my reminder. School is terrible. My relationships are terrible. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE FOR ME? I AM ALWAYS JUST WORTHLESS AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO VALUE. If I could I would cry but for some reason I just can't. These friends are so precious to me and have always been one of my best ones since November of 2023. It breaks my heart how I'm getting these negative emotions off them when I know and remember all of us were a great group , we had awesome memories and included everyone. The funny jokes we made the time we spent together. It feels like nothingness and I feel empty. I don't know to me I sound dramatic and a manipulator. These are my terrible feelings these times, sorry if I don't act cheerful or happy like I am. I'm.. sorry.
