How Not To Be A Groupie

Chapter Forty Nine: Good Friends

No.

No, that didn't happen. 

I refuse to believe it.

I kept my eyes straight ahead of me as we walked down the street. We parted ways with John and Larry as they had to make a few stops before coming to the concert. Malcolm and I were left on our own to make the walk from the subway station to the venue. Rolling thunder boomed across the hot sky as the late spring storms began. Malcolm led the way to where the rest of the band was surely waiting; the threat of rain gave Malcolm an excuse to walk as fast as he could. 

Neither of us said a word to each other on the way. 

I didn't like the silence brewing between us but how could I bring up what happened? It was difficult to think about let alone talk about. I hadn't expected anyone from the band to take that kind of interest in me let alone lock lips with me. Besides, this was Big Brother Mal, for God's sake! I honestly looked to up to him as an older brother!

I guess Little Sister Hannah had never occurred to him.

Chalking it up to the alcohol acting for him and not a reflection of his true feelings, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was buzzed, that was all. Or it was an accident. We had both turned our heads so quickly that maybe we just bumped into each other. Although Malcolm didn't act like it was an accident. "Hannah?"

I wiped my palms on my jeans again. "Yeah."

"You alright?"

Thunder crackled above us. I failed to keep my voice steady and choked out a response. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

I still wouldn't look at him but I could feel him sparing glances my way. "Did I...overstep somethin'?"

"No, not at all," I said and I knew Malcolm could sense my bullshit. He was a smart man, he could smell the stuff from miles away. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He didn't overstep anything but I really didn't think I was interested in him that way. And I didn't know how to break it to him. 

"Ya' don't....feel the same...do ya'?"

Oh. That was easy.

I sighed and looked down at the dark street, shadowed by clouds. For a second a flash of lightning illuminated the ground and a giant grey rat went running into an alley. I could see the concert building looming over the city about a block away. The band would be in there pacing, wondering where Malcolm was. Thinking he had met with an unfortunate evening in the gutter somewhere or taken the wrong subway. Despite the dark clouds we could still see the setting sun. The show would start soon. "No," I mumbled. 

Malcolm grabbed my hand and pulled me off the street as a car sped by, probably hoping to get home before the storm started. Malcolm didn't seem to mind waiting a bit longer for shelter and stopped us right outside of a shop, the closed sign sitting in the window. Taking his time lighting a cigarette, I watched in worry as the clouds grew. "I didn't mean to put ya' off or anythin'," he said.

"You didn't," I shrugged. 

"Then why won't ya' look at me for a sec?" I peeled my eyes from the sky and looked down at him. The glazed look in his eyes was gone and I knew no amount of alcohol made him do what he did. I just felt so bad turning him down since he was really a good guy. And in all honesty, he and the rest of them deserved someone a bit...

Better.

"If ya' don't like me, ya' don't like me," Malcolm said, smiling a little. "I don't blame ya' for that."

"Of course I like you," I said, rolling my eyes. "I guess I just thought we were....good friends." That was pathetic. I had turned down the affections of plenty of boys in high school but not like this. Malcolm deserved a better response than this.