Little Rock-Star (GXG)

Chapter 43

(Devon's POV)

Have you ever just wanted to give up? Or disappear from everyone's lives, thinking they'd be better off without you? I have these constant thoughts every second of the day now. I mostly zone out and just think-what my friends lives would be without me. How would Alex's life be without me?

She'd probably still be living with Ivy in that god forbidden neighborhood. But if we are meant to be-love would've found us both eventually, right? At least that's what I think. I mean, if you're meant to be with someone, their soul mate, they'll find you some point in your life.

It could be in a dark or light period of your life. But with love comes pain and joy. And without pain, there isn't joy, and without joy, there isn't pain. It's like that. The world is fucked up, along with people on this planet.

Ever since that day where I punched the wall and passed out, which was about 2 days ago, I've been writing in this stupid journal. I don't know why, I just am. It makes me feel..complete. I'm not putting my pain into lyrics and songs, instead I'm writing them down for me to read one day.

Sure, I still write songs about my feelings. But something's I just need to keep to myself, you know? Like, we all have that one secret we keep from everyone. It could be a kid, or something else-I don't know. I'm not great at giving examples.

I think my big secret is, it's that I cut once. I don't know if I have anything bigger then that-which I probably do. I mean, everyone probably knows that I'm lesbian, got kicked out and shit. I'm famous. People expect to know me like an open book.

But they don't. The only people who do are my bandmates, Ivy and Alex-and some others.

I don't even know why I'm writing in this stupid book. But for some reason, I can't stop.

Until next time..

I sigh and close my journal. I put it under my pillow, where my song book is. Nobody knows about this journal, only I do. It's like a diary or something-I don't know.

We had a concert yesterday. We're on the road today. I forgot where we going, though. I look at my watch, seeing I've been in my bunks for a couple of hours. It's 2:34 AM.

I hop out of my bunk, landing with a thud. I walk into the lounge where everyone is. Alex and I haven't spoken to each other since that day. That's good and bad. Good, because I don't feel like apologizing and shit.

And bad because I miss her. God how I miss her, especially her lips. I miss her body and her touch. I miss calling her mine. I just miss her.

Things on our tour bus have been..difficult. Everyone is either arguing or they're quiet. It's like the band is breaking up.

Right now the TV is on, even though none of us are paying attention to it. We're all lost in our own thoughts to listen to it. I can feel the tension in the room, though. It's like this sexual angry tension. Well-at least I feel that to Alex. Is that weird?

I don't know.

"So..hi." Leon tries to start up a conversation.

"Hey." Ryan mutters. At least they're trying here.

Silence.

Silence.

"I can't take this anymore! Can we all just make the fuck up!" Leon cries out.

"Quick question," Alex clears her throat. "Why are you guys arguing, this is about Devon and I, not you guys."

Good point. I cock an eyebrow at them, also wanting an answer.

"Because, you guys arguing effects us too. Hence Devon is the singer of the band, and she rarely practices anymore-" Skylar shoots me a glare, "-It's kind of hard. And Ivy is your best friend, so it takes a toll on her-on all of us."

"I do too practice! What the hell?" I exclaim, unfolding my arms to stand up.

"Bull shit. You're either sulk up in your bunk, crying, listening to music, writing music, sleeping, drinking or some shit." Ryan scoffs.

"Writing music is practicing, dip shit." I mutter. "And you wouldn't understand, Ryan. I'm going through a fucking heartbreak for god sakes, at least you have a girlfriend."

I don't care if Alex heard that, cause honestly, she can go suck a dick.

"You act like you've never had your heartbroken before!" Leon chimes in.

"Because I haven't!" I exclaim. "At least not by a fucking girl!"

The only time my heart has broken completely was when my parents kicked me out. They hurt me-really bad.

"So what? The only time you had your heart broken was by your parents?" Ryan asks, complete sarcasm in his voice.

My jaw clenches and my fists are now balled up. That was low, even Ryan knows.

The bus comes to a complete stop-thank god. Without a word, I leave the bus, slamming the door behind me.

If I was in there any longer, I would've completely blown up. You know what? Fuck them. I'm getting over Alex once and all.

I find Taylor's tour bus. I walk over to it, knocking. Just my luck, Miley answers.

"Hey Devon!" Miley smiles at me. She lets me in, closing the door behind me. "Taylor isn't here if you're looking for her."

And that's my cue. Without warning, I smash my lips on Miley's, taking her by surprise. Miley moans at contact. Her hands tangle in my hair as she kisses me back. I pin her up against the wall.

Fuck Alex, she can go fuck herself. She broke my heart-and now I'm getting over it.

I take my lips off of Miley's, going for her neck. I lick, bite, nibble, you name it. I'm just fucking enjoying myself. I haven't had sex in weeks-and I really need this.

I take off my leather jacket, throwing it to the side. I lift up Miley's shirt, revealing a black tank-top. She jumps, wrapping her legs around my waist. My hands are under her thighs, supporting her as I reattach our lips.

I push off of the wall and make my way to the couch. I lay her down, carefully as I hover over her.

"W-what about Alex?" Miley pants out.

"Fuck Alex." I growl, taking off my white t-shirt, revealing my sports bra. She looks at my body, licking and biting her lips.

"You sure about this?" Miley asks me.

"I'm fucking positive."

~~~

ahah...uh..yeah.

so Devon and Miley.

erm. yep!

~Gracie