Harry Potter Jokes

Chapter 9 and 3/4

31.If you're feeling gutsy, call him "Voldie-poo".

32.Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

33.Whack him in the arm and say "mosquito" - every few minutes.

34.If he asks you about his choice of robes, say he looked better under the turban.

35.Begin any question you ask him with "Riddle me this!" Emphasize on Riddle.

36.Imperio his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of "All Things Bright And Beautiful".

37.Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colors and glitter.

38.Throw him a Carebears-themed birthday party. Bake him a scar-shaped cake.

39.Tell him what Snape's really up to.

40.Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.

41.Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.

42.Tell him you know this great therapist in London....

43.Ask him if he's sure the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?

44.Tell him Lucius did it.

45.Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

46.When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say "Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?"

47.Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

48.Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of "that sweet, innocent, cute little boy".

49.Ask him why he's afraid of an old man who looks like Santa Claus and why he can't fight babies.

50.Cuddle him at random moments.

51.Tell him that noses are back in style.

52.Call him "Champ" or "Tiger", refer to yourself as "Coach".

53.Ask him where he gets his garlic scented soap.

54.Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.

55."Accidentally" schedule him a haircut

56.When he gives you an order, stare blankly at him and drool.

57.On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair. Make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.

58.Be offended by everything he says.

59.Trade in his black robes for bunny feet pajamas.

60.Be Harry Potter. Be Alive.