A Trip To Nowhere

Meri life changing Safar

A few days before the trip.......

Aarohi's pov....

"All my life...I always wanted... and waited for only one thing"

"Love"

Laughs hysterically "That's too much to ask for"

"Happiness"

"Maybe..... not"

"Then what is it"

With a small smile plastered on my face, I say looking somewhere else "A genuine compliment"

"A compliment? I gave it to you many times if you remember"

"Do you?"

"Um..huh. of course I might"

"Might"

"Okay. I did compliment you sometimes"

"I don't know if it's my insecurity or my overthinking. I just can't feel happy about myself. I try to love myself. And then they are pushing someone into my life to love me"

"The problem is you are expecting... Expectations hurt Aaru"

"Everyone expects something Ruby. I am not the only one. I just want to feel loved, wanted by someone"

"You will... Abhi will love you after your marriage. It's quite common in arranged marriages"

"You won't understand Ruby. I know he will. Commitment is also a kind of love. I agree. But that's not what I am saying. Marriage is not my problem. I just want to love myself. And I am failing to do so"

"You always love yourself"

"No I am trying. And the problem is I am trying. I am forcing myself to love myself"

"Oh boy, what's wrong with you? Why is it hard to love yourself? You have everything in your life, right? Great family, good career, nice friends... everything. Then what's wrong?"

"I don't know..... I haven't figured it out yet. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?.... I just feel like...I woke up one day and suddenly realised that I stopped living. I feel like I am just breathing, eating, drinking, working and again sleeping with the feeling of being unloved"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want someone to love me because I am in some relationship with them. I don't even want someone to love me. I just want a genuine conversation with someone, a natural time spent with someone without being judged and then we disappeared. It's like I want someone to come into my life and I learn to love myself. That's it"

"What? You are nuts. You really need therapy"

I sigh thinking that this is exactly what I don't want. I want someone who doesn't feel that I am not making sense to them.

"Are you coming or not?" She asks me for coffee.

"Yeah"

Ruby and I are colleagues. We have been working together for eight months. But she never becomes my friend except for what she thinks she is to me. We are different in everything. Still I go along with her and she to me sometimes. I know everyone is different and unique. Nevertheless I want everyone to respect their fellow members'personalities even though they are different from them. I respect everyone's individual personality. Just like now. I prefer tea to coffee but I go with her because she likes my company. I can compromise but I cannot be loved. It doesn't mean that I am expecting love in return. I just want to be understood sometimes.

Anyway, I am pretty delusional sometimes........
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"Aaru.... How's this saree? Do you like it?" Mom displays all the sarees she brought for me.