Forgetful Marriage

A Lost Memory

[Third person]:

There is a certain dream locked away in Lillian's mind, it repeats itself when it is almost about to be forgotten, keeping her on her toes. Playing with her, nudging at her. There is not much to see, it is an unclear mix of desperation. A certain turmoil that knocks at the locked door, opening it, is a choice she must bring herself to make.

Lillian jolts up her bed, beads of sweat running down her forehead as she gasps for air. This dream again, a fuzzy memory, a child, some laughter, and blood on her hands. It scares her, the thought of remembering anything about the times unclear to her. Lillian is someone who prefers clarity rather than hanging onto something ambiguous, something so obviously toying with her.

She reaches for the jar kept on her bed side table, desperate for a glass of water or perhaps just something to hold onto. Something that she can see. She chugs down the water, the water rushing down with so much force that It makes her choke.

Lillian coughs, keeping the glass back on the table as she stabilizes herself. This nightmare was driving her crazy, it had been years and it still had not left her. She remembers asking her father about the times she cannot remember, things before the age of seven; a little before her mother passed away.

She has a few memories intact, like memories of her mother, memories of her distress, memories of her parents' relationship worsening. Yet there is something that feels amiss, someone.

That child.

Lillain lays back down on her bed, a shiver running down her spine as she tries to think, but she already knows the way this ends. Her, unable to catch up with the moments her mind left behind.

That blood.

She closes her eyes, commanding herself to think. She needs to think, she must remember. Think Lillian.

"Lillian," the voice in her memory speaks. "Your name is too long."

The air gently blows against the window as she drifts off to sleep, the fragment of her recalled memory becoming a soothing lullaby.

----

There was far too much Lillian had to bring herself to do today, after all becoming the empress of such a nation came with a price. She had taken it upon herself to arrange the first palace ball after the welcoming of an empress to the nation, this meant it would be the first time the noblemen and women would greet the emperor and empress one by one.

It was new and tiring to Lillian, yet she had to ensure she did everything by the book, she could not let Julian walk all over her if he ever spotted a flaw. She was better than that.

All the preparations had been going smoothly so far, the palace was being redecorated and there were multiple new additions made according to her liking. All she wanted now was a break, somewhere to rest without the stress of ruining her first impression to everyone.

Countess Mary had explained Lillian all her duties properly, without a single detail amiss and the transition of the management was also swift. She could understand why Mary had been so affluent among people.

"I would like to rest for a while, shall we continue the rest tomorrow?" She turned to look at the countess. Marry nodded as she excused herself, leaving Lillian alone to sit in the royal library of her palace.

She closes her eyes, resting her head on her seat, as the wind blows on her face, strands of her hair being slowly pushed back. She could hear the chirps of the birds, and the rustling of the tree leaves outside of the window. It had almost made her forget she had so much more to do.

"The emperor hasn't visited the empress once since they got married."

That sentence was enough to keep Lillian awake, she could feel the rustling behind the shelf that shielded her from people's view. She could guess they were people working in the castle, gossiping because there was not much entertainment here anyway.

"Does that mean he does not favor her?" Another voice joined the conversation. Now it truly did feel like she was intruding, even though they were talking about her.

"She's beautiful, the emperor truly doesn't have eye for women." The first one comments, and this makes Lillian smile. She had not thought she would be hearing something good from maid gossip.

"I wonder if it's because of her." Another maid chirped in and it made Lillian think if all the maids were having a group meeting at the library.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Lady Amelia Rosentine."

Now that was a name Lillian was not familiar with, but she did remember hearing it in passing. Something about her marriage with the Duke falling apart because of conflicting feelings, but before she left to here Fiona had told her it may have been a ruse. That her family had something to hide, or that she was simply rejected by the duke.

"She often visits the palace under the pretense of friendship with the emperor but we all know she's a sly fox." The maid sighs. "Perhaps the rumors are true, if the emperor still hasn't shared a bed with the empress, he must like someone else."

Lillian's grip on armrest tightens, she had not thought of that possibility. That her husband might have someone he loved, someone he knew more closely than a princess from a neighboring kingdom.

Right, the man she married does not know her.

"Have you ever seen the emperor smile?" The maid with the bright voice asks. "I have! And it was when Lady Amelia was around."

Lillian did not want to hear more of this, she did not assume that life as an empress would be easy but she had hoped to achieve some peace when she stepped foot in this kingdom. A futile wish may one call it, but it was hers.

She got up from her seat and cleared her throat, making her presence known behind the shelf. The maids cleared out rather quickly, apologizing repeatedly for gossiping and not doing their work, but Lillian could only smile at them. They had seemed to be her age, and she never wanted to seem like an evil woman.

She sighed as she looked out the window, the words of the maid ringing in her ear. Lady Amelia, the probable first love of her husband. There was this growing anticipation to meet this woman, and a blooming worry that when she sees her, she might feel a terrible sense of guilt for stealing away her love.

She had to meet Julian, she had to ask him if he ever loved someone, and if she was the reason he could not be with that lady. It was an emperor's duty to marry to build better relations with other kingdoms, but the emperor is a man too. A man who may have innocently loved.

Duty, is not love. She reminds herself, and her relationship with Julian was simply a duty she owed her kingdom.

A duty.

...

a/n: updates might be slow, thank you for reading!