Warning: The following contains violence, coarse language, and excessive amounts of awesomeness. Please prepare your mind for blowing.
Conclusion
Dear Die-ary,
It's been a long time. Last time I wrote an entry I had said I wanted to be cold and emotionless. I don't think I accomplished that, but that's okay.
I've learned a lot in the past few weeks. One of the most important lessons I learned is that everyone experiences different realities. Some people may live the same reality their whole life; others may experience many different realities throughout the course of their life. I'm the latter. I've had many different realities in the few years I actually remember, and probably many more in the years I don't. However, this current reality seems to be the most... bizarre.
Lots of new things have been happening. For example, I have a kid living with me now. Squee is officially my roommate. It's not so bad. He's taken care of himself his whole life so I don't really have to worry about anything. Plus he really curbs my loneliness. It's nice having someone to watch cartoons with, especially when he enjoys them as much as I do.
But the weirdest thing would probably be how much time I've been spending with Devi and Tenna. I actually didn't realize it until today. We didn't do much. Devi was working so Tenna, Squee, and I went to Café Latte and pretty much spent the whole day there. And when Devi got off, we stopped at a convenience store to buy junk food then went to my place where we watched cartoons and played video games until like midnight. When the girls left, I realized we've been doing that a lot lately. Not that exact routine; just spending lots of time together.
Obviously it's normal for me to spend lots of time with Squee since we live together, but what's the deal with the girls? Does this mean we're... friends? But why would they be friends with me? I wasn't sure how to feel about this realization, until I noticed something else.
Reverend Meat is back.
I saw him on my dresser. He wasn't moving or talking. He was just standing there as an inanimate object. Just to be safe, I smashed him on the floor. But he reappeared not long after, in the same spot on my dresser.
Does this mean the Nightmare isn't through with me yet? Is Reverend Meat its way of keeping an eye on me? I don't think its terrorizing anyone else. Squee, Devi, or Tenna haven't said anything, and I'm pretty sure they would. So I guess I really am just the Nightmare's toy.
But then I had my biggest realization ever. If being the Nightmare's slave for eternity is all it takes to make sure Tenna, Devi, and Squee stay safe, then I'll gladly do it. I'll gladly trade my freedom for theirs. I guess this means I really do care for them. So I guess it's okay to call them my friends.
A couple of days ago Devi and Tenna told me that when I was in the hospital, the doctor told them I had three cracks in my skull, all caused by gunshots. I remember two of them: one being from when I accidently killed myself, the other from Zoli. But what about that third? I don't recall ever getting shot before my somewhat successful suicide, and I never had a scar on my forehead before that time. So I concluded that it occurred during one of my past realities.
I don't remember most of my past, and what I do remember I didn't enjoy. But these past few weeks have been quite... delightful. I won't go so far as to say I've achieved perfect happiness; I still have plenty of problems and bad days. But I have been having lots of fun lately, and for the most part I enjoy being with Devi, Tenna, and Squee. So maybe it's okay if I just ignore my doubts and worries.
I think it's about time I started enjoying my reality.
