Soukoku Oneshots

Denial

Y'know that rose you got me was rather silly. I can't help but stare at it in disgust, for the red will only remind me of the blood that coats your soul. The very blood that only covers the most hideous part of you, your soul and your heart.

I'm not intertwined with you, that's almost revolting to think about, sharing a soul with you; disgusting.

I hope you know that your heart is disgusting and dirty; used and worn out, you should just throw it away, you know I won't miss it.

As I stare at this rose, I can't help but rip the pithy petals off of it, useless petal, you're an idiot to give it to me. Though, as I pick the petals off one by one, I can't help but chant in my head with each pull...

"He loves me..."

"He loves me not..."

"He loves me..."

Shit, that was the last petal, it landed on the worst outcome possible, us loving eachother. Don't you find the thought absolutely sickening? It is just a silly game, it isn't like it should matter what it lands on; or if it shall affect me.

Though sometimes... I do look out the window when the sun appears to be setting, as the sky fades from a bright auburn to a dark purple, staring at the line that blends the two together for eternity.

As I stare at that thin, sky-drawn line, I can't help but feel something broken or missing. There's always been something missing inside of me. It's my humanity, god I wish I could have that back. I just want to feel like I can appear human, then maybe I can feel human too.

The emptiness fades when you're around me, Dazai. The feeling fades away and is sealed with something much better with each nickname you hurl at me, and each movement, or touch you may reveal through your wall of a mind.

I know the emptiness fades because your annoying voice and frustrating moments distract me from everything in my life.

You will never, ever, fill the void in which is thy soul, for you felt no further feeling herein between us.

I hope you never can creep up my spine and take over the cloud of angst hovering above me, for I hate you.

And always will.