I Choose Us: Book 2 in the Crossing Midian Series - A Christian Romance

Chapter 11

— Lottie —

The drive to Denny's in the next town over was quiet. It had been a while since Lottie had been alone in such a small space with Coop for more than a few minutes. They usually had Cassie in the backseat to fill the silence; but today it was only them.

"They really have collected a ton of stuff," Lottie said finally, being the first to break the quietness surrounding them.

Her conversation with Colleen had been tearful and raw as the pair had sat at a small table in the back of the cafeteria, where they were storing all the donations.

It had only taken a couple of probing questions before Lottie had broken down and poured her heart out to the Pastor's wife.

Colleen had listened to her and offered a shoulder to cry on, and when she had gotten everything out and off of her chest, she had asked the hard question.

"Do you want a divorce?"

"No," Lottie had answered immediately. "But everything is such a mess now. I'm afraid even if I tell him I don't, he won't believe me. I've spent so much time distancing myself and pushing him away, and I don't know how to get back to him."

"Honey," Colleen began, pulling away from the younger woman but keeping one hand on her back and the other covering Lottie's own on the table, "what things are bothering you most about Coop? What are the reasons you have for wanting to leave?"

Lottie considered for a moment before saying, "He shuts me out." She gestured to the room around them and all the donations and said, "He's been going through all of this for months and he didn't even bother to tell me. He never lets me in or talks to me about how he feels and what he's dealing with."

"What else?" Colleen urged, not touching on what Lottie had already said.

"He spends so much time at the store. It's like he cares about it more than anything else, and I constantly have to compete with it. He's hardly ever home in time for dinner, and when he is, I can tell he would rather be somewhere else. I feel like I'm the only one taking care of the house and Cassie. I'm busy, too, you know? But he makes me feel like his busy is more important than mine. Anything that has to do with me or how I'm feeling takes second place to him and what he wants." She paused, catching her breath before looking away. "I know this is really personal, but we haven't even had... we haven't been intimate in months. Not since August, at least. And I've even tried to initiate, but he shut me down. How does he think that made me feel?" Lottie couldn't believe she'd admitted that. She hadn't even confided this much in Anna.

Colleen nodded. "Like you don't feel wanted, or desirable?"

"I don't," Lottie agreed.

"Do you tell him?"

"Yes. I've told him several times and every time he says things will get better, but they never do. At least not..." Lottie looked down at her hands and said, "not until this past week. We had an argument the night he told me about the store and I think he realized I was considering leaving." She sighed. "No, I know, he realized. And ever since, he's been acting differently."

"Different how?" Colleen asked.

"Like being home more. He picked Cassie up from school every day this past week, except for when she had class with me afterward. He's been cooking for us, and he even—" Lottie bit her lip and looked up toward the ceiling as she felt her eyes beginning to sting with fresh tears. "Even made me a bath the other night. There were candles in the bathroom and soft music, and it was so nice to sit in the tub and relax. I almost fell asleep in there," she added with a laugh.