Fate

Diary: Day 1

This ignition of flame that you see in the complete darkness, this is me. A candlelight.

This candlelight, it's burning. It's shattering my heart into pieces like icicles splintering through my skin. It's tearing me apart. It's igniting this light full of fury, ambition and belligerence, trying to overcome a problem that has been troubling it since long.

During my misery, the best thing for me to do is to turn off the lights and leave myself in a void of nothing - nothing but complete darkness. Where I can feel nothing, but my own soul and heartbeat beating through me, trying to tell me - You'll make it through this.

And this bright light that's shimmering through the darkness, it tells me, you've got to go through this pain and stand up. This hidden part inside of me, it's very impatient to get out into the real world - and face it. Overcome the bullets that are slowing me down.

Sometimes, I cannot help but imagine oblivion. Though this light is trying to disrupt me and bring me back to reality, trying to help me by shimmering some brightness through me, trying to tell me to be optimistic and manage things the way all humans do, but honestly, it is all a waste.

Maybe people will try to cheer me up, because someone will notice the light - but by that time, my mind tells me, it's too late. And the truth is - I will melt to nothing.

One day or another, the light, my only fighting spirit, will go out and I will be nothing. A point where nobody will even realise that I ever existed. I won't have that energy, that strength, to cope up according to the expectations of this new founded world. It will be me, safely hidden under the canopy of darkness, invisible to the world outside. Though I will still exist, I will be too invincible to be brought back. I will simply leave it to fate.

Fate. What a beautiful word.