HARD THOUGHTS

LIFE (PT.2)

I never thought I would make a second part but here I am.
Only difference is that in this chapter im gonna talk about me, because i for sure know that someone will be related to this as well.
You know as a single kid with no siblings i grew up being showered with love, being spoiled to no end and i was always happy, i never felt the need to have a sibling.
When I started high school everything changed as i developed depression, i stopped caring about getting good grades, i didn't want to go to school nor to dance anymore, i was numb.
I even stopped doing the things that i loved the most, reading and writing, and instead wanted to be in bed all day doing nothing.
After 2-3 years i got slowly out of it or that's what i thought.
I feel empty now, it's as if part of me want to die so i can stop feeling this way; but at the same time there is a small part of em that want to live and prove everyone that i got out of this.
Honestly I feel dead, I'm a corpse with no wish of living, on the outside I look normal but on the inside is where the most horrible feelings are hiding.
People always say that the eyes are the representation of your soul, by looking at a person eyes you can see their emotions but nobody ever paid attention to mines because if they did they would've known that when I laugh or smile it's fake.
If people would even try a bit to see through my eyes they would instantly know that I'm at my lowest point.
But this isn't the worst feeling, you know what's worst?
It's worst when you are out and want to cry but you can't so all you can do is taking a deep breath and close your eyes to not cry in front of people.
Im constantly being judged by my actions, wether if I don't want to go out or if I lay down on the sofa for more than 1 hour.
So there you go that's my life and truth to be told I don't even know if I'll live long enough to graduate from college; but we'll see.

Yours                  ~J~