Thoughts Of You

wanting you

i want you-
there are so many ways you can use three words to say what you're feeling, but when people say " those three words " they may mean something different. there could be lots of " i love you's " floating around, lots of " i miss you's " floating around; but not enough " i want you's ". and those are my three words.
" i love you "
and
" i miss you "
but no matter what, i want you. when you're away, it's an ache in my chest that never goes away, and my own three words run circles in my mind as if to say; if they go fast enough, you'd be there.
when you're here, it's not the ache but the feeling, it's something I'm all new to and can't describe it quite yet. it's a feeling like " i want you as close as possible, and i never want you to let go. " but you always do.
and then comes the ache, and it's a never ending cycle that I can't seem to understand. " why is it like this? when do we get to break free? "
you're the big picture, like I'm my own artist in my mind; spending hours and hours on the perfect piece, and I've had to restart time and time again. that one line shouldn't be there, time to start over new. That was the wrong color, now it's ruined. But when i started you, I always knew where to put my lines, which colors were the perfect colors to use. And now? they all flow perfectly, although you aren't a finished product. you never will be, there's too much of you to incorporate. You can only include so much- your eyes, your smile, your voice, -only the bigger things. and, of course, there will be some room for the smaller things. the ones that mean the most- your gentle side with me, your open mind, and the talent that flows from it. and now we wait for the day I'm able to frame it, and hang it where you'll always be there. and maybe, just maybe then the ache will go away. but, as we know, what comes after the ache? it's that feeling again. that feeling where I'm completely consumed in you and I can't find my way out, because I don't want to. losing myself in your eyes, your lips, your hands, and I can't find which way is up. but if going up means leaving, the only way i want to go is down. and someday I hope it goes both ways, where we get lost in eachother and when we decide to come up, you won't ever leave and I'll never have to feel the ache again. because someday, I won't remember the ache. all I'll remember is you.
and countless times I've tried again and again to capture you in words, this time i feel was the closest. but not nearly close enough. I'll try a thousand more times, and won't stop until i find the right way to put these millions of words i have for you in the right ways. and who knows, it might only take three words.