God Of Desire

cold shot

Anastasia :

My reflection stared back at me, half-dressed and disheveled as I sat on the edge of my bed, holding my phone to my ear. My mother’s warm, familiar voice filled the quiet room, grounding me in a way I didn’t realize I needed.

“I hope you’re taking care of yourself, my love,” she said, her tone tinged with worry. “I know you’re strong, Ana, but it’s okay to lean on us too.”

I pulled on my boots, the smooth leather giving me something to focus on. “I am, Mama. I promise.” The words felt hollow, a half-truth I wasn’t sure even I believed.

“I just worry about you,” she continued softly. “You’ve always been so independent, so headstrong...just like your father. But you don’t have to carry everything alone, Anastasia. Whatever it is, we’ll face it together, okay?”

My chest tightened at the raw affection in her voice. “I know, Mama. I’m fine, really.”

“You say that, but you sound so far away,” she murmured. “I just... I wish you’d come home for a while.”

Home. The word sent a pang of guilt through me, sharp and biting. My parents had given me everything: a home filled with love, laughter, and security.

My father’s strength and unwavering devotion to us. My mother’s endless warmth and patience. They were the perfect team, and together, they’d created a world where I always felt safe.

And now, I’d chosen to be far from that.

“I will. Soon,” I said, though I wasn’t sure how true it was. “I just need to sort some things out first.”

She sighed, and I could almost picture her pressing a hand to her forehead the way she always did when she worried. “You know we’re here for you, Ana. Whatever it is, we’ll support you. Your father and I... we love you more than anything.”

I swallowed hard, forcing a smile into my voice. “I know, Mama. And I love you too. Both of you.”

Her voice softened, like a warm hug through the phone. “I’ll come visit soon. Your grandmother Lia wants to see you too. We’ll make a trip of it, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered, my throat tight.

“I’ll let you go, but call me if you need anything...day or night. And tell your dedushka I said hello.”

“I will,” I promised.

As the call ended, I stared at the blank screen, my heart heavy. My mother’s love had always been a constant, unshakable and pure, and yet here I was, an ocean away, tangled in a life she’d never wanted for me.

I glanced at the mirror again, taking in the faint shadows under my eyes, the tension in my shoulders.

They deserved better from me, my parents. I’d built my strength from their love, and now I was using it to create distance.

“Why do I do this to them?” I whispered to myself, shaking my head as I stood.

Because it wasn’t just about them. It was about me too. About finding my place in this dangerous, complicated world.

About proving to myself that I could stand on my own two feet, even when the ground beneath me felt like it might crumble.

But guilt lingered like a shadow, unshakable and persistent. And with every step I took, I knew I’d carry it with me.

I sighed, putting my phone down and glancing at the time. Katia’s text flashed on the screen: 10 AM sharp. I'll be waiting.

I still had a little time, so I took a deep breath and refocused. Sitting at my vanity, I started on my makeup, keeping it sharp and clean...subtle, but strong.