I was about to place the notebook somewhere in my drawer when a picture frame caught my eye. It's her. Oh God she is so beautiful.
Standing next to her is this familiar man who is looking at her while she is laughing. He is obviously being hilarious when the picture was taken as if he purposely did it before the camera clicked. Indeed a candid shot.
I got a few more drinks after seeing that. It is crazy how you thought everything was so perfect but in a fast fast snap now it's just a dream. Something you can't even remember your current self being in. I'm so different now. I lose weight, grew facial hair and I never get to smile. So different from the picture I just saw. This isn't me now. Not when you can't be a part of me.
A phonecall woke me up.
*Michael calling...*
What time is it?!
Damn. I forgot I have a recording today. I took the call.
"Heyy mike"
"Where the heck are you? I bought you more time. You have 20 minutes to get your lazy ass here."
I ended the call and when I got up the bed my room is a mess. I took the picture, stared at her for awhile, and placed it back inside my drawer. I managed a weak smile though. I showered and got ready within a few minutes. Drived swiftly to the studio.
"Oh there he is" Michael said faking a laugh. He is evidently relieved. We started as soon as I showed up.
~Can I lay by your side
Next to you, next to you
Make sure you're alright
I'll take care, And I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight~
Tears fell. I can remember you with my every tune and lyrics.
"Ravishing" Will is clapping when he said it. He is my new producer now and he is more prominent than the ones Michael contracted me with before. It is our first meeting today after the demo we sent.
"You just have this perfect emotion and originality with your every song which a lot of artist now lack. I don't know how you do that but it is definitely why we want you. Why we even waited for you. Tell us, Sam, what's your secret?" He said everything in a very cheerful manner. Like he has this brilliant idea already going on in his mind.
"Uhm. Thank you, Mr. Will. Is that enough for today?" I said disregarding his question.
"Ofcourse, are you kidding? Go take a rest and treat yourself, our brand-new star"
I shook his hands and stormed off the studio. I want to be alone so I headed in my car. No one understands. They don't and they won't. I really hate it when all this just sounds like a job and I can't do anything about it. This is for her yet I can't divulge it because it would make everything more unreal. Why? Because It would feel like I am using her. I don't want any sympathy or fame or attention. I am doing this for her to make her proud.
Someone is banging may car window when I became conscious. Right, I am here outside our usual bar. I rolled the window down. It's Trevor.
"Dude! Way too early huh?"
"Yeah yeah" sighing as i said it. Our gig is tonight and I can't remember why I drove here early.
"Tell me. Did you have that crazy dream again about that mystery woman?"
"Dude yes! And again I am this big.."
"Big star you say? Sam Smith? haha" there he is mocking me again.
I have been having this weird dreams about this amazing woman who is apparently my wife. Usually they are dreams I have while she is still alive but infrequently it gets weirder when it fast forwards to the time where she's just gone. Fragments I am trying to connect.
