A Hunters Heart

Happy Thoughts

Seconds felt like centuries to Dean. He was worried enough when Cas wasn't back right away, but the wave of relief he got when his angel returned quickly turned to panic as Dean assessed the situation. Dean, of course, was the first one to Castiel's side, catching him before he could even think about hitting the ground. From there, Dean slowly melted to the floor with Cas in his arms. Sam came running and Lexi backed up, trying to get out of the way.
"Dammit, Cas, what did you do?" Dean mumbled.
"Okay," within moments, Sam had an idea of what they were about to deal with, "Dean, do you think you could-,"
"On it," Dean replied. He knew what Sam was about to ask and obliged, picking up the angel and running towards his room. Once there, Dean had a fit, yelling at Sam to go get the first-aid kit and then leave him to deal with Cas. Lexi only stared awkwardly from the background as she put two and two together. The problem isn't anything physical, or they wouldn't have picked him up. It's probably his angel-juice. She realized that she might be able to help, but that would have to wait until Dean cleaned up his angel.

Days later, Dean's hands were balled into one big fist that was holding his chin up. Time seemed to stop for the older Winchester as he waited for the angel to awaken. He sat on a chair next to Castiel's bed and stared at him, willing him to wake up, but to no avail.
Dean heard a knock on the door. He had been avoiding his brother the past few days, but, despite his attempts to ward him off, Sam kept coming back with plates of food that remained uneaten by Dean or his unconscious companion. Though Dean could have sworn he heard his brother's footsteps leaving the closed doorway, a few more quick knocks were heard. Dean moved his hands to cover is face and pulled them down, dragging his features with them until his calloused hands were covering his neck. He willed himself out of the sitting position and to the door, ready to reject his brother for the nth time today. However, when he opened the door, he had to adjust his gaze lower to make eye contact with his guest.
"Hi," Lexi's broken voice spoke, cracking around the syllables in a pathetic manner.
"What do you want?" Dean asked, recovering from his surprise.
"I just wanted to know how he was doing," Lexi said, eyes leaving Deans to look at the resting angel. Dean quickly adjusted his stance and closed the door further so that Castiel was now hidden from Lexi's view.
"He's fine," Dean stated dismissively.
"He is?" Lexi knew a lie when she heard one, "He's awake? Can I talk to him? I want to ask him something." Dean glared at her.
"What do you want to ask him?"
"Just," Lexi hesitated, "something," Dean's eyes fell before filling with rage. He was about to say something before looking back at Cas and leaving the room, closing the door behind him so that he was alone in the hall with Lexi.
"Look," he started, "I don't like secrets. Especially from amateur hunters who aren't gonna be around long enough to figure out how to use them against me. So I'm gonna say this and I'm only gonna say it once. You listening?" Lexi nodded, scared, but unwilling to back down, ---------"Good. Don't assume you know anything about any of us just cuz you and Sam are cuddle buddies. No passerby slut is going to get in between me and my family. So, no, you can't see Cas, cuz I already know what's gonna happen. The second he wakes up, you're gonna be the first one to say anything and all that's gonna be coming out of your mouth are things you want from him. He ain't yours to play with. He's too good to be some Hunter Barbie's falling star. So, leave. Take your fugly van and freakish harpoon-gun and hope I never see you within a mile of my angel or so help me god, I will deep fry your Grace-Infected ass till nobody, not even your parents will recognize you. Capiche?"-------
"I said, I'm listening." Lexi snapped her fingers in front of Dean's face, wondering what could be so important that it could drag him out of telling her off. Dean put up his hands, obviously done with the situation, and left the conversation, walking down the hallway towards the study. Internally, Dean was really glad he hadn't said any of that out loud. While he was still pretty pissed, none of this was Lexi's fault. Dean just needed to yell for the sake of yelling. He needed to blow off steam. So, without a word to his confused brother, Dean went to the shooting range, hoping to work up a much needed sweat.

Lexi was confused. Dean had started to tell her off, but spaced out before he could finish, or barely start, the job. With Dean out of the way, Lexi quietly made her way into the angel's room.
Observing the sleeping Castiel was a strange experience. Dean had cleaned him up well enough, but he still looked pale and sickly. Lexi could tell he was alive, not just from the rise and fall of his chest beneath the blankets, but the space around him seemed... conscious. Almost as if he were walking around the room in an out of body experience. Slowly, Lexi made her way to Castiel's side.
"I really hope this works," she mumbled as she placed her forefingers on his temple, trying to mimic what she had seen him do mere days before.
Focus, she thought, let yourself in. Lexi could feel herself getting closer to the angel, spiritually and physically. Then, in a split second of will power, she put all of her energy into handlessly opening Castiel's eyes. Although they remained unconscious, Crystal Blue eyes pierced through the room, illuminating the space around them. However, Lexi remained clueless as to this fact because, while her eyes were open, they were unseeing. She was now in the mind of an angel.
She seemed to be walking around Castiel's mind. It was darker than she had pictured. In the center of what seemed to be an endless room was a mass of blue energy, which Lexi quickly identified as his grace. The energy travelled from the "ground" Lexi seemed to be standing on to the "Ceiling" that appeared as the limit of his mind, only to expand once it got to the top. From there, it seemed to navigate its way through his psyche like the veins lying in his arms. Though this was an amazing sight, it was difficult to enjoy once she noticed how dim it seemed. It became clear to her that the grace was fading. Fast.
Without giving it much thought, Lexi started to see her way around the angel's mind. It didn't take long for her to realize that the images she was seeing were memories, and the memories she was seeing were dark. As Lexi watched Castiel's worst memories, she felt them all. She saw somebody who looked like Sam, but obviously wasn't, snap his fingers and felt Castiel explode. She could feel the pain as ideas were drilled into his head by a woman behind a white desk. She watched the world, from Castiel's eyes, turn to darkness as the apocalypse almost came to pass. She could feel him being tortured. So. Much. Torture. From the hands of Demons, Angels, and humans alike. She felt nameless creatures attack from the deepest depths of the forests of Purgatory. She saw Dean, walking into a motel with a blonde woman, who seemed to be drunk.
Was he never happy?
Just as she thought this, Lexi appeared to come to a vault, slowly but surely, it opened. In this small room, there was happiness. Sunsets and stars, Battles won, with hardly a cost. Bees and Burgers and... Why is Dean stabbing him? Why is that a happy memory?... and finally, past all of these things, she found the best of them all. While Lexi was spiritually connected to Cas at this point, she could not feel this scene. All she could feel was that this was the happiest he had ever been, but that happiness seemed to be reserved for the angel. Lexi knew that this was what Castiel needed. She quickly took the memory out of the vault and carried it carefully to his center of Grace. As she held the memory to the mass of energy, it began playing out all over his mind on what seemed to be hundreds upon hundreds of T.V.'s. She stepped back and watched the remembrance play. It was simple. The happiest memory Castiel had, over the millions of years he had lived, was Dean.
It was Dean, still a bit bloody from a hunt, smiling and grabbing Castiel's trenchcoat. He pulled his angel closer and closed his eyes, slamming his lips into the angel's. Castiel returned the embrace and, when the time was right (5 hours later lol), they pulled away from each other, smiles pasted on both of their faces.
As this scene played over and over again, the room got brighter. The bitter memories disappeared and were replaced with joyful ones. Lexi quickly realized that those sunsets were seen from the hood of the impala. Those Bees were being chased in a park while Dean watched and smiled. The battles that he had won had been won alongside the Winchesters. It became clear the Dean was Castiel's happy thoughts.
Lexi felt strange as she slowly flew back into her own mind. As her eyes blinked, she saw Castiel's eyes close. However, Lexi was not concerned. It was obvious that now, the angel was just sleeping. She was about to release her fingers from Castiel's forehead when storming footsteps entered the room.