The Siege of Shadows: Book one

Frost and Ashes (37)*

The days had begun to blur together, the passing of time marked only by the faint sounds of the castle waking and the rhythm of my own body. It had been weeks since Kael brought me to his room, and slowly, I felt myself slipping out of the haze that had consumed me when I first arrived. The physical pain had dulled, and the gnawing hunger had begun to subside, though my body still felt weak from the months of deprivation and fear. My wounds were healing, the raw skin beneath the bandages slowly fading into scars.

The weight had come back gradually, but with it, an awareness of my own body that I couldn't shake. The feel of Kael's eyes on me when he would check on my progress, the way he moved around the room when he brought me food or helped me with the tasks I couldn't manage myself. His presence, always looming, was no longer the oppressive weight it had once been. It wasn't comforting, but it was familiar, and there was a strange solace in that.

Still, I wasn't ready for touch. Every time he came close, every time his fingers brushed against my skin as he helped me with something, my body tensed in protest. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't let myself relax enough to let him in. Not after everything that had happened.

But I was healing. Physically, at least. I could eat more now, my appetite returning little by little. There were moments when I would forget how fragile I had been, moments when I felt almost... normal. Almost like I could move on. But every time I dared to think that, my nightmares would remind me of the truth.

The nights were still the hardest. I would wake in a cold sweat, the echoes of what had been done to me lingering in my mind, my breath ragged, my heart pounding in my chest. The nightmares were no longer as frequent, but they still had a hold on me, haunting my sleep, dragging me under every time I closed my eyes. Some nights, I would wake to find Kael standing at the door, watching over me with that unreadable gaze. He never spoke, never moved to touch me, but just knowing he was there, even in silence, was enough to settle my mind enough to sleep again.

I hated it. The feeling of being watched. But I also couldn't deny the strange comfort it gave me, that reminder that I was still alive, still here.

The mornings were quieter. I would wake early, my body stiff from the unrelenting nightmares, but I would force myself to move, to do something. The bed was soft, too soft at times, and it made me restless. I could feel the walls closing in around me, the weight of being trapped in this room growing heavier by the day.

I had started to venture out more, though. Not far—just past the bedroom door, into the dimly lit hall that led to the rest of the castle. The stone floors were cold beneath my bare feet, the air thick with the musty scent of age and neglect, but there was a part of me that longed to see the rest of the castle, to feel the life of it again.

The first time I stepped out of the room, my heart pounded in my chest. My knees were weak, and my vision swam from the exertion, but I didn't care. I had to do this. I had to prove to myself that I could still move, that I wasn't completely broken. I had walked a few paces before Kael's voice reached me, low and commanding, "Stay close."

I froze, every muscle in my body locking up. I could feel the weight of his gaze on me, even without seeing it. His voice was soft but firm, as though he were always watching, always waiting for me to slip up. I hated it. I hated how easy it was for him to control me with just a few words.

But I didn't stop. I couldn't let him stop me now. "I'm fine," I said, my voice rough and hoarse. It was the first time I had spoken to him in a while, and even that small sound felt foreign on my tongue.

He didn't respond. I didn't expect him to. I could feel him behind me, his presence an ever-present weight on my back. I had learned to ignore it, to push it away, but it still lingered in the air like an unspoken promise.