Lena's POV
The car ride becomes more and more awkward the longer we go on. After I've pretty much read all my magazines, (I'm a fast reader plus I'm skilled in memorizing fashion magazines thank you very much) I just sit there and stare out the window. "So I hear you dance?" Calum says out of nowhere. "Oh, um yeah I do ballet and hip hop." I reply. "Cool. You should totally teach us." He laughs. "Yeah sure we'll see how that goes." I chuckle. "How, um, how did you know that?" I ask. "I told you Luke likes you a lot." He says coldly. I internally recoil at his tone, "He told you?" I ask curiously.
He rolls his eyes and scoffs, "He tells us everything, that you're smart, and beautiful, and always laugh at his lame jokes, and that you're caring, and responsible, and lithe, and that your eyes sparkle when you're nervous-" "He said all of that?" I ask flattered. "Well most of it." He mumbles. My flatter turns to confusion and concern."Where did the other stuff come from then?" I ask.
He keeps his chocolate eyes narrowed and steady on the road, but doesn't answer my question. "Well what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask trying make conversation. His facial expression remains stern but his hands clench the steering wheel tighter. "Don't you have magazines or something?" He whispers. "Yeah.....sorry." I say opening my backpack.
I reluctantly re-read my issue of Seventeen, feeling slightly hurt but mostly confused. One second Calum is catching and complimenting me, and the next he's implying that I shut up. Talk about a roller coaster ride.
After finishing the issue, again, I take out my headphones and plop them over my hair and onto my ears. As always I start off the playlist with Maya's favorite song, I Miss You by Blink-182.
I used to think it was weird that she listened to some punk, alternative, rock song that came out when we were like 5. Mostly because, at the time, in my eyes, music was all about 3 major components. Lyrics, Tune/Melody/Composition, and Vocals. And if those three components didn't all meet my expectations at at least a 8 I usually wouldn't give the song a chance. So when she first told me to listen to the song we were about 13, I was immediately thrown off by Mark Hoppus' lack of pitch change.
She would always say that it wasn't about that the fact that I had mentally rated his singing at a 4, it was the fact that the lyrics, and melody, and format (which was a component I had never considered) were universally rated at a 100.
I would always argue that she doesn't know that everyone in the universe thinks that. Then she would argue back that her death wish was to have everyone worldwide listen to that song and get their personal opinion. At the time I laughed. But now thinking about it makes me sad that she'll never get to actually do that. Even if it was technically impossible. The conversation would usually continue like that until we'd pick another song to discuss.
We had conversations like that a lot. About songs, albums, movies, outfit choices, and Instagram filters. They were always partially offset, as we would factor things that didn't necessarily matter or apply to the situation. But they were fun, and thought provoking, Maya would always end up changing my perspective on things. I loved that about her. She was so bad and tough. For the most part at least. And she would always see things differently.
As the cords start I shut my eyes, a listen to the lyrics closely.
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop the pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head I miss you, miss you
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head I miss you, miss you
As the instrumental bridge runs its course water fills my eyes and I think the sky notices because it's starts to rain. But since it's 20 degrees outside, it's turns into snow, which is more pretty and peaceful and cheers me up slightly. As a single tear leaves my eye, the chorus comes back in.
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head I miss you, miss you
That line repeats itself four times, getting stronger and more meaningful every time in my ears. Before it finally fades away.
As the next song, 'Someday' by Mariah Carey comes on, I realize I'm not in the mood for an upbeat song and take the headphones off. I sniff and reposition the top pony tail in my half up half down hairstyle. "Are you okay?" Calum asks looking at me and then back at the road. "Yeah." I sniff again. "To answer your question from earlier, I don't have a girlfriend. And I don't want one." He says shyly. "So why didn't you just say that?" I ask. He shrugs.
"What did you mean when you said that Luke only told you most of all those adjectives you named?" I ask trying to sound casual. But on the inside I'm itching with wonder. "Well he never said that you were lithe, or that your eyes sparkle when your nervous." He says nervously. "Then who did?" I ask politely but still feeling my heart race with wonder and some type of nervous fear. "I guess...I did." He answers. And then he gives a small laugh to himself; as if he surprised himself and was proud of it.
My cheeks heat up with flatter but also the same nervous fear from before. Is he, like, hitting on me? Or he just being nice? I couldn't tell. I laugh nervously, "How would you know if my eyes sparkle when I'm nervous?" "Because of when I caught you, and when I fell on you, and when you spilled the water and paper towels in the kitchen." He answers finally taking a quick glance at me. I don't know how to respond but luckily I don't have to. Because then, Michael wakes up. "Guys I really have to pee." He says. "The first hour is coming to a close can you hold for longer?" I ask. He shakes his head no. "Cmon Michael it's not that-" "Do you want piss in your car?!" He says cutting Calum off. "It's not my car." Calum smirks. "But you'll have to smell it for the rest of the ride." Michael counters. "Ewww oh my god. Calum pull over." I say. And by the time he does the clock hits 9am, and we're on to the second hour.
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OKAY WOW THAT WAS LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF FILLER SORRY IF IT WAS BORING AF. Anywyayyy hope you enjoyed!! (Lol the irony this time amiright?)
-Girlonline234👸💭🎁
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You Left Me | l.h.
Fanfictionthe story of a girl and boy trying to solve the mystery of their best friend's death ©girlonline234 _~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ maybe only he, can make her happy again. make her feel alive again.
