Kenan, a rising star in the world of professional soccer, and Bella, a spirited college student, thought their love could weather anything-until their clashing egos and a string of miscommunications tore them apart.
As Kenan fights to stay focused...
I called him. But he didn't answer. I'm kind of glad he didn't, because what would I have said anyway? He saved me the embarrassment. Still, I couldn't help the hollow feeling that crept into my chest when his voicemail picked up, his voice distant, automatic, impersonal.
I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering over the redial button. No. I couldn't. Not again. One call was bad enough. What was I even expecting him to say if he picked up? "Hey, Bella, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Everything's great." I scoffed at the thought, shaking my head. As if Kenan would ever make things that simple.
The room felt too quiet now, the kind of quiet that wasn't peaceful but suffocating. My eyes flicked to the corner of the couch, where his hoodie used to be. I'd thrown it in the back of my closet weeks ago, but I could still picture it there, a ghost of him lingering in my space.
I don't know what possessed me, but my feet carried me back to the bedroom. The air felt heavier with every step, like I was moving through water, each movement harder than the last. I opened my closet, my fingers hesitating for a moment before sliding across the hangers and piles of folded clothes.
There they were, hidden in the back like contraband: his hoodie, his T-shirt, even a pair of socks he'd left behind. I'd shoved them there the day we broke up, trying to convince myself that out of sight meant out of mind. But the truth was, I hadn't been able to throw them away. Not then, and not now. And giving them back just didn't seem right.
I reached out, my fingers brushing against the fabric of his hoodie. It felt softer than I remembered, as if time hadn't hardened it the way it had everything else between us. I picked it up, holding it close for a moment before I realized what I was doing and dropped it like it burned.
What was I doing? What was I hoping for, as I held his clothes? Comfort? Closure? Neither seemed possible. I took a step back, scared of what I'll do if I looked at them too long. He was here not even 30 minutes ago but I already missed him. I regret telling him to leave.
I regret not saying it back. But it was out of pure defense and shock.
I should probably sleep, it's getting late, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to. I need to change my sheets, but I don't want to.
I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the wrinkled sheets that still carried his scent. I should've changed them. Should've stripped the bed bare and washed away the evidence of him, but my body refused to move. Instead, I reached for my phone again, a reflex I couldn't stop.
No new messages. No missed calls. Nothing.
I tossed the phone onto the mattress with a sigh, falling back against the pillows. The ceiling seemed further away tonight, and the walls felt closer. My mind raced, skipping from one memory to the next—his laugh, his touch, the way his lips curved into a smirk when he thought he was being clever. I hated that I missed him so much. I hate it.
Maybe this was my fault. Maybe I'd pushed him away too many times, made it too hard for him to stay. I told myself it was for his own good, that he deserved better than what I could give him. But now, lying here in the silence, I wasn't so sure.
Was I too stubborn? Too cold? Too scared to let him in?
I curled up on my side, pulling my knees to my chest. The ache in my chest grew heavier, suffocating. I wanted to blame him, but the truth was, I wasn't sure if I could anymore. I want him. I want him to hold me. I need him to hold me and tell me everything's going to be okay. But no, I'd been an idiot once again and kicked him out. And being the whatever the fuck he was, he left. He left, without as much as trying to fight back. Not even one last lingering glance before he step outside of my apartment.
But I can't deny the look in his eyes when I told him to leave. He looked sad. He looked genuinely sad and regretful. Then why'd he leave Bella? My inner voice told me. I wish I knew. Maybe I wasn't worth it.
I had been so excited for summer break cause who doesn't get excited for summer break? But now I kind of wish I had collage to distract me. Isn't life just going well for me... let Turkey lose the finale and it would be the cherry on top. No but on a real note I really hope they win. I would make me happy and... And Kenan too.
No matter how hard I try my thoughts always go to him. I can't help it. I look over at his hoodie laying on the floor in front of my closet and go to pick it up. I couldn't harm right? It's no big deal. Everyone did that. Smelling their ex's clothes. Right?
I slowly lift it to my nose, inhaling as the soft fabric hits my nose and sure enough it's still smells like him. Kenan smelled like trouble wrapped in comfort. There was the sharp tang of his aftershave, clean and bold, mingling with the subtle musk of his skin. And then there was that faint hint of his favorite cologne, a mix of amber and something woody, something warm. It clung to him and his clothes in a way that made it impossible to forget, even when I tried.
I'll let myself do it just this once. It's not that bad. I tried convincing myself but deep down I knew what I was doing was bad. I was trying to get over him for crying out loud. Did I really though...?
I put his hoodie on and turn my lights off in my room. I fall onto my bed, surrounded by his scent. I don't care at this point. It's not enough. My eyes dance over the black surroundings in my room, recognizing everything. I close my eyes.
And just for tonight, I let myself get lost in his scent, holding onto the fleeting comfort it brings me before reality sets in...
————————————————————————— Authors note: Filler chapter.... Not much to say...
There is a little more action in the next chapter! Look forward to it.
Happy new years guys!!🥳✨ Let's hope 25 will be better they 24...
Football talk: So... Barca just lost Dani Olmo. And Pau victor I'm pretty sure... I don't really know what to say. We spent all that money on him for him to only play for us for 6 months.😭😭 like-
And why is everyone tripping about Gavis instagram post with his girlfriend?😭
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And who the hell those Lewendoski think he is?😭 bro you haven't scored in the last like 5 games? And he's saying he'll leave the club if the persue another striker....? What do y'all think?
