The Race

Cancellations and Cranberry Muffins

Cancellations and Cranberry Muffins

I crouch in the bathroom stall, whispering into my cell phone.

"And you are sure you want to do this Ms. Barks? There aren't any flights back to Vancouver for another three weeks at least and even those are being taken up quickly and will be going for a high price." The young sounding man on the other line worries.

"Perfect." I say. I hope my adrenaline isn't visible through my voice. Canceling Naomi's flight home so that she will have to stay with me isn't something I would usually do, and I feel half bad about it, half thrilled.

"Ferries are expensive at this time of year, too. Also, your seats on this flight were in high demand. As soon as you cancel another person will be booked in your place. Are you positive you want to cancel your flight?"

"Yes. Thank you." I say curtly, hanging up. I straighten my shoulders, clear my throat, hold my head high and exit the bathroom stall. I look at myself in the mirror, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I did the right thing.

I did the right thing.

I did the right thing.

I repeat to myself over and over again, until I gradually start to believe it. I smile sheepishly at myself in the mirror, raising my chin. I exhale a breath I didn't realize I was holding. On the breath exhaled I mutter one last time; "I did the right thing."

When I walk up to our booth at the little cafe, Naomi is absentmindedly picking at a cranberry muffin, oblivious that she wouldn't be going home tomorrow.

"Hey." I say perkily, cursing myself for sounding too cheery. Naomi looks up at me and then back down at her muffin. I shake myself off, and fold my dress underneath me before sitting down across from her.

After several beats of silence I absentmindedly blurt out; "Why did you leave me?"

She looks back up at me, her beautiful green eyes boring into me, and for the first time I feel she is actually seeing me.

"You were always mom's favorite-" she starts. Defensively I cut her off, "And you were always dad's favorite." I say. She raises her eyebrows at me and I quiver under her intense gaze. "Sorry." I mumble, looking down at my hands that are clasped tightly in my lap.

"I lost dad. Mom lost her memory. But you didn't lose mom." She says shortly. I look up at her, aghast.

"How did I NOT lose her Naomi? She doesn't remember me! I can't tell her I love her because she gets freaked out and thinks I'm mental. The doctors won't even let me tell her I am her daughter, because they think it will be too upsetting for her to think about having a daughter she can never remember..." I trail off, trying to swallow through my suddenly tight throat.

"Yes but she is still ALIVE, Mo!" Naomi says harshly. I can hear the raw pain in her voice. "You always got everything so easily. I bet," she lets out a cruel, heartbroken chuckle, "I bet, you will even get mom's memory back one day. Because you always get everything." She whispers loudly.

I feel a tear do a somersault down my cheek. "If that's your way of being sympathetic, save it." I mutter.

I see pain and emotion flash across her eyes, but then she shrugs it off and leans back in her seat. "You asked." She says, sounding resigned.

"So you didn't come back because you think that I always get what I want?" I ask. I know that's not exactly what she said and its over exaggerating, but that's what it feels like.

Naomi shakes her head. "I left because of that. I didn't come back because I was ashamed." It sounds like it pains her to admit it, and she does so in such a bleak voice I feel terrible for her.

"Ashamed of what?" I ask.

Naomi's POV

Today is supposed to be the day I feel. I have to be 'human' today. But Jesus, is my sister ever making it hard. Crying to myself, now that's the kind of feeling I can handle. Admitting why I abandoned my sister for ten years, that is something different entirely. And I sure as hell can NOT handle it.

"Ashamed of what?" She asks quietly.

My mind is screaming: ashamed of myself! Ashamed of the way I cut myself, the way I failed you and mom and dad!

But I don't say that. Because that isn't just feeling, that is hurting. And hurting isn't something I signed up for.

"Ashamed that I left you." I say, which was only half of the true story.

"I'm sorry I never came looking for you." She says softly, staring at her hands again. I can see her lower lip trembling precariously.

"You didn't know where to look." I shrug.

"But I could have found out. I could have tried..." She trails off. She clears her throat and says in a hoarse voice, "I knew you were in Vancouver. I could have tried to narrow it down from there."

I chuckle; a less than half hearted sound. "Vancouver is big, that alone may have taken you ten years."

She looks up at me and gives me a watery, sad smile. I try to return it but it more likely comes out as a grimace.

"Will you stay with Cami and I tonight?" She asks shyly.

I grimace; purposefully this time. "Mo... Morgan." I correct myself. "I didn't mean for you to see me today. Today was supposed to be like all the others, where we don't actually meet. I'm still leaving tomorrow, I don't want to impose."

"You're my sister," she murmurs. "You're not imposing."

"I'm going back to the way things were tomorrow Mo. Where you don't see me and I don't see you." I insist.

"Then let me savor you while I have you." She begs. The pleading look in her eyes hasn't changed since we were seven, and the effect it has on me hasn't either. "Alright." I mutter, standing. "But you're paying for my muffin."