Rachel Stanton and The Darkest Night

CHAPTER 27: GOODBYES

27. GOODBYES

The words took minutes before it sank in. I had no idea what would happen to me if Jared left. My world would crumble. His leaving would destroy me—kill me even. And the worse part in it was that I couldn’t do anything to stop him.

“When will you leave,” I asked halfheartedly, not looking into his green eyes, but keeping my hand held with his.

He went silent when I asked that. He took a breath and looked down into our hands. He drew something on the back of my hand. I just didn’t know what it was. It was complicated. Swirls. Curves. Some difficult lines that was hard to understand.

“Tomorrow? The next day? Next week? What?” My voice was almost a grumble. And as I spoke the words, a tear slowly slid down my face to my hair. “Answer me, Jared. I wanna be prepared.”

“You sure?” He stopped drawing on my hand, facing me now. I looked away. “Rachel, will you look at me?”

I acted as if I did not hear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes glinted with tears. It caught me so I looked at him and wiped the tear that just fell from his eyes.

“You’re a guy, Jared,” I told him. “Guys aren’t supposed to be crying.”

“There is an exception now,” he replied. “I can’t stop my tears from falling. Especially now.”

I put my hands in his temples. “Then try not to cry. Be strong, Jared. I want you to be strong.”

I sounded as if I had accepted that he would leave. But the fact was: I couldn’t. I was just trying to hide my emotions. Hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“I can’t,” he muttered. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

I took a deep breath before I answered. “You know I feel the same way too. I don’t know what to do when you leave.”

“You know, I always wish that everything that happens is just a dream. That someday, I’ll woke up and realize that these aren’t true.”

I smiled at the thought. “Mine’s a little different,” I whispered. “I always wished that you didn’t tell me the secret. And when these things are done, that’s the time that you’d tell it to me.”

“I was thinking about that before too. I wished I hadn’t told you anything about the secret. But I could not take to see you very innocent. Do you know what I mean?” I shook my head in reply, thinking what he was trying to say. “I mean, I couldn’t take it to see you curious of things while I know everything. It’s like watching a movie. You do not know what had happened behind when it’s being made.”

“I get the point,” I said. “And I don’t want to remember about the past. I want to be in the present. Past is done. Present’s still happening. The future will come.”

“And the future depends on me,” he added. “I don’t know what the future will look like when I leave you.”

“I know what it will look like,” I told him. “I will be alone. I will have no child. I will die without a husband.”

“I guess I should you now. It’s one thing I promise to your father.”

My father, I thought. I remembered the hour when Dad and Jared talked about that. It didn’t seem to be a promise. It seemed that it would really happen. And Dad knew it would.

“But you’re leaving,” I reminded. “You’ll marry me now but you’ll leave. I don’t want that.”

“Me neither,” he answered automatically, his voice as low as a whisper. “But scrub the thought that I’ll leave. I’ll just marry you now.”