Sleeping With My Married Ex

Chapter 13

The day following the barbecue I find myself sitting in my best friends living room curled up in his cozy little black leather bean bag chair. My insides are churning in a storm, my thoughts unsure. I need an outlet, and there's no better outlet than Warren with a pint of my favorite Chinese food. Comfort.

I let the cat out of the bag telling him, and Amber who is sitting next to him on the love seat, everything that's been going on. From the start.  Last night while sitting on the porch swing alone, Donovan and I had a mini serious conversation. He has been keeping things from me, things I feel I should know. More than anything, I can't tolerate having wool over my eyes in a relationship. I'm so honest and open that I never get why people hide things from me. I'll be pissed that I didn't know, not over whatever the secret is.

I scratch my head. A nervous habit. "This whole thing is doing me in." I fork a shrimp into my mouth.

"What are you going to do?" Warren says around his marinated beef tips. "After saying you don't want anything from him, confessing you're in love with him can complicated things."

"If the situation becomes complicated it's not my fault. Just because I love him doesn't mean I still want or expect more from him."

"But loving someone comes with responsibilities and desires."

"Only if you allow it."

Warren reaches over and forks a shrimp toast from the carton in Amber's hands. "If you don't want more from him, then how are you sure you even love him and it's not some sort of infatuation that has arise because of a memory."

"Because I do. I know I do and I still don't expect anything from him."

"But it'll add pressure. Subconsciously you're going to react differently, think differently, say things that you probably wouldn't say before, and he'll notice."

I twirl my fork in my noddles. "I don't agree."

"You wouldn't, would you."

"Things aren't always that easy, that...orderly...and...and..."

Amber chuckles and leans into Warren. "She's tongue tied. Never thought I'd see the day."

I frown at her and jab my fork in her direction before stuffing it into my mouth. "My point is that everyone is different. I've never been that way. You know that more than anyone Warren. Just because I like someone doesn't mean I want to date them, and just because I date them doesn't mean I'll eventually want more from that. I'm capable of loving someone and not asking anything. I love you and I don't want anything."

"That's not how it works, Shannon. You know that. That's a different type of love."

"Despite what all those self-help crap ass books that litter the bookshelves say, there is no such thing as a different type of love."

"Intimacy, commitment, and passion. Come on Shannon, we had this discussion before. There are types. We have an intimate relationship-"

Amber clears her throat. Loudly. I grin.

"That doesn't go beyond friendship," Warren finishes.

"At least you finally understand that."

Amber clears her throat again. Warren shoves his carton of food into her. "It's not even like that. Stop starting stuff." His voice is steady, but his face is amused. "Shannon, I love you dearly, but you don't take care of yourself the way you should. Maybe I was a bit pushy, but that's because I care."

"Of course you do," I reply monotone.

"Someone has to look out for you. Besides, you have a tendency to date dick heads."