Mimic | Jacob Black

19. Wax and Wane

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They fell into a steady routine. River and Bella spent a lot of their time wandering around La Push, while Jacob and the others hunted Victoria. Jacob did apologise for being absent so often, but they were on red alert.

Charlie and Julie were having dinner with Billy, Sam and Emily. But Jacob and the two teens decided to skip out early and head to his garage. Bella sat on one of the stools and River looked over the set of tools on the table. Jacob sat against the wall, exhaustion drawn across his face.

"You need some sleep, Jake," Bella said.

"I'll get around to it."

"I feel like you should cut back on the late nights," River added, flipping a wrench in his hand before setting it down. "Can't the others take your place, like rotations?"

"It's easier if we're all watching, covering more area," Jacob said. "Plus we can run off less sleep way easier than you can."

River walked over to sit down beside Jacob. He felt warmth and held out his hand near Jacob's skin. Jacob moved his arm to connect with River's palm. It was blazing.

"Is this one of those wolf things?" River asked him. "You're like a heater."

Jacob smiled. "Yeah. We run a little warmer than normal people. I never get cold anymore. I could stand naked in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."

"That sounds convenient," River said. He pulled his hand away.

"Some parts of this whole process, yes. But it isn't all enjoyable," Jacob said.

"Overall," Bella started. "Are you still happy? Because sometimes you looked... miserable."

"I'm not miserable," Jacob told her. "Not anymore, now that you guys know. It was a lot harder before."

"What's the hardest part?" Bella asked.

"Feeling... out of control," Jacob said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself, like maybe you guys shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control for just one second... and Em was standing too close. And he can't ever take that back. I hear his thoughts–I know what that feels like...

"And then it just comes so easily to me–does that make me less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm scared I'll lose myself."

"Is it hard to find yourself again?" River asked.

"In the beginning, yes," Jacob said. "It takes a lot of practice to phase back and forth, but it was easier for me, because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."

"Quil?" Bella said in confusion.

"His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."

"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?" Bella asked.

"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. It's in my blood on both sides, I never stood a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance."

River didn't know what to say to that. He was only human, after all. He had no idea what that all must feel like for Jacob. Thankfully, Bella seemed to find the words.

"If you ever lose yourself, we'll just go looking for you. Promise," she said. Jacob seemed to like that.

"What's the best part of being a werewolf?" River asked, hoping to move past the awkward subject.

Luckily, that seemed to do the trick. Jacob smiled as he thought. "Definitely the speed."

"How fast can you run?"