+BURST+ (Inanimate Insanity) (REWRITE)

~ Playing for the Same Team ~

【ＬｏａｄｉｎｇＣｈａｐｔｅｒ．．．】
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~WARNING: Homophobia mention, Internalized homophobia~

"What do you mean?" I keep my eyes down, and Nickel's grip on my hand tightens, "Baseball, what do you mean?"

"I'm not sure if you're being completely honest with me."

"...why?"

"Sui... someone told me something that..." my fingers shake in between his own, "something that lets me see you in a new way..."

Nickel sighed, fiddling with his jacket zipper, "oh god..."

"But I wasn't sure if I should believe it... or see you like that yet because you didn't tell me yourself, and..." I finally look up at him again, taking a deep breath, "and the only thing I want is for you to feel safe enough to tell me things like that."

His eyes lock onto mine, with furrowed eyebrows and a slight frown, "I'm assuming this is about me being bi?" I nodded, and he took his free hand off of the jacket zipper, leaving it halfway down, "Yeah, I was... I was going to tell you eventually I just... Do you remember middle school?"

"What about it?"

"You said some things that I thought were funny back then, but looking back now it was definitely a bit homophobic..."

"I mean... what middle schooler back then didn't call things 'gay'?"

"True, and I know I did the same, but with your parents being who they are, you kind of parroted what they said for a bit."

"...right, I remember now, I'm sorry about that..." I rub my thumb against his knuckles, they feel bony and small in my hand.

"You don't need to apologize for that, Baseball, you're better now, I feel like I could tell you that in a vacuum and feel safe."

That reassured me for a moment, but, "then why didn't you tell me?"

"Honestly, one part is your parents, sorry, but also I'm just not a fan of 'coming out,' y'know? And so when I figured this out, around freshman year, I kept it to myself so that I wouldn't be singled out like that..." he laughed, "Turns out a lot more people are gay than we thought, right?"

"Yeah, right. I... I think I might be... gay as well? Or something?" I stutter, trying to put the words together, "I-I think I get it... but... she told me something else, too."

"Well the only 'secret' I've told her was that, so..." he trails off, the gears turning in his mind, coming to a hesitant realization, "wait did she... Did she think there was something between us?" We both stared at each other silently for a moment. Nickel sank down into his chair, almost like he was trying to hide, and complained "Why am I still freezing? It's so warm in here."

"Oh, your jackets unzipped again," I take my free hand and lean closer to reach for the zipper. His fingers loosen around mine as I close the jacket up to his neck. I turn my attention back to his face, a bright red hue contrasting his icy eyes, and I notice his pale, chapped lips are parted slightly. He looks mesmerizing... I delicately place my hand on his cheek, and his stubbled, tan skin melts beautifully against it. His eyelids droop down for a moment, and I instinctively lean in, but something stops me. I shudder, my breathing quickening.

"...what?" Nickel mutters in the smallest voice I've ever heard from him.

"I-I can't..." he looks as though his heart just broke before I continue, "...my parents... I..."