faded echoes ¦ sk x ks

CHAPTER 22

Ling's Point of View

"You look... fine now," I whispered, the words hardly escaping my lips. They were heavy, like stones I couldn't carry, as if I'd lost my strength. "I feel like... I am the only one left tethered to our past."

Orm shook her head slowly, her expression unreadable. But when she spoke, her voice was like fragile glass, trembling with a fragility that was hard to bear. "I'm not okay." Her tone cracked under the weight of emotions she could no longer keep bottled. "I've never been okay." Her head dipped low, hiding her face, as if even the moonlight was too much for her to bear.

And there I was, clutching my fists so tightly that my nails dug into the palms, stopping myself from yelling at her, at myself, at the whole universe for this very act of revenge. "I was so... lost, Ling," she said in short bursts, gasps, as she trembled and shook like a leaf caught up in the whims of the wind.

I swallowed hard, my throat dry. She was speaking now, finally peeling back layers of silence that had suffocated us both for far too long. But every word she uttered felt like a knife twisting deeper into my chest.

"I don't know how it happened," she continued, her voice cracking like a shattering glass. "Or when. But I woke up one day, and... everything feels like a mess." She exhaled shakily, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "It felt like... nothing in my life was where it was supposed to be. Like the pieces didn't fit anymore." Her voice wavered as she broke into soft sobs, and the sound tore through me, raw and unrelenting. "I was losing myself."

I shut my eyes tight and hold on to the sides of my jacket, holding onto it for dear life. That's not what I thought I'd feel. I thought I was prepared for this: to let her talk her way out, find closure. But I wasn't. She smashed me a million times worse than I expected with her pain.

"I was losing everything," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the waves crashing in the distance. "I was disappointing everyone. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to drag anyone down with me." Her sobs grew louder, raw and unrestrained, the sound pulling tears from my own eyes.

And then I broke. Silent tears fell down my face in rivers, unstoppable. I bit my lip to keep the sobs in, but they spilled out anyway, harsh and jagged. I didn't even know why I was hurting anymore-was it because she was telling me the truth, because she had been so lost, or because I never saw it? I felt powerless, useless, as though I had failed her when she needed me most.

"I grew tired of fighting," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

Her words hit me like a hammer. My breath turned ragged, my chest heaving. Everything in me ached. It felt like I was bleeding out, the pain too overwhelming to contain.

"I grew tired of fighting... for us," she choked, barely able to get the words out.

And it was over. I just shatter. A sour, broken laugh tore through my mouth as I released a sob so mournful, I wondered if my very soul was crying out. I felt I needed to scream, had to run, and claw the pain out of my self-wound and get away. But this was impossible since my body would not run, and the voice caught in my throat, uncoiling words, just could not emerge.

"And... I am sorry for hurting you," she said, her voice quivering like the fragile thread that still bound us together.

I looked at her, my face wet with tears.

"You... didn't tell me," I stuttered, my voice shaking. "I thought... I thought we were good, Orm." My sobs made it hard to talk, and she couldn't even look at me. We both cried-tears were flowing-but neither one of us made any move to wipe them away. "I didn't know. I had no idea what you were going through. I... I feel just so useless, Orm." My voice cracked on the words, barely making it out of my throat.

"I'm sorry," she whispered once more, the words hollow, not sharp enough to chisel through the chasm separating us. I shook my head, my body shuddering.

"I was there, Orm. I was there. I thought there were no secrets between us?" My voice was rising, shattering under the load of my pain. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you let me in? I thought we were happy. I believed it. I believed we were okay. But I was wrong. I was... so wrong. I was the only one who thought we were okay."

"I tried to tell you," she said, her voice barely audible. "But every time I see you happy... I couldn't. I couldn't ruin it for you."

I let out another bitter laugh, sharp and painful. "So instead, you made me feel useless?" I spat, the anger seeping through my words.

She shook her head desperately. "No. I didn't want you to suffer with me. I didn't want to drag you down."

"You didn't try, Orm." My voice was low, almost a whisper. "You didn't even try. You just gave up on us."

"I didn't give up," she said, her voice firm for the first time. "I was protecting you. I didn't want you to lose yourself because of me. You had a life, Ling. I couldn't let you waste it on someone as broken as me."

Her words only fueled the fire in my chest. "That doesn't matter!" I nearly shouted. "You were my girlfriend, Orm. You were supposed to let me in. You were supposed to trust me. I had the right to know what you were going through! But you shut me out. You made me feel like I was nothing to you." My voice broke again, and I wiped my cheeks furiously, though the tears kept coming. "Why, Orm?" I whispered to her, voice cracking. "Why didn't you let me in?"

She said nothing. Tears were louder. Her face concealed in her palms. Her silence was louder than any speech ever could.

We sat side by side, but in that moment, I felt farther away from her than I have ever felt. Everything was broken: our past, our present, our fragile attempts at a future. The beach was silent except for her sobs and the sound of my own ragged breathing.

I thought hearing her side would bring closure, that it would help me start to move on. But it didn't. It only added to the pain, to the unbearable weight crushing my chest. I didn't know if I could forgive her... I didn't know if I could forgive myself. I didn't know if I could even face her again after this.

All I knew was that I was broken. And I couldn't be too sure when I could ever be whole again.