faded echoes ¦ sk x ks

CHAPTER 23

Ling's Point of View

"You were so unfair," I said, my voice taking on a bitter edge.

"I know... I'm sorry," she replied, her voice soft, filled with regret.

I let out a hollow chuckle, the sound harsh and empty. "Stop saying sorry. It doesn't change anything. You've already hurt me. You already did it." My words hung heavy between us as I stood up from the sand, facing her. She slowly looked up at me, her eyes filled with silent apology, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "I don't even know what to feel right now, Orm. Part of me is so angry at myself for not noticing what you were going through when you needed me the most," I said, voice cracking with frustration. "But how can I be mad at you for not telling me? You hid it so well. Maybe you didn't trust me enough, or maybe I wasn't enough for you."

I bit down on my lower lip, the guilt gnawing at me.

Why was this so unfair? I want to get angry at her, but I cannot. The guilt is suffocating. She hurt me, yes, but seeing her hurt because of me? That feels even worse. It's so confusing. It feels like I am trapped in a cycle where I cannot escape my own emotions. What have I done in my past to deserve this?

All I ever wanted was to feel loved, to not be this broken.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket, trying to calm myself. "Stop sending me food at the hospital. Don't keep doing this," I said, locking eyes with her, my voice firm but vulnerable. "You've already gotten what you wanted. Me, listening to you, hearing your side. That's enough." I turned away, not daring to look at her anymore.

"But—"

I cut her off before she could say more. My heart hurts. "I don't want to see you anymore," I whispered, the words tasting bitter on my lips. "Every time I see you, it just makes it harder to keep moving forward. I… I need to forget everything. I need to start fresh, Orm." My throat was constricted, like I was trying to choke myself on the weight of my words. "I hope you can understand."

Tears started to fall, and I quickly wiped them away, turning my back on her. My legs felt weak, but I forced myself to walk, even if each step was like dragging a thousand-pound weight. But then I froze. A warmth surrounded me, and I felt her arms wrap around me from behind, her body pressed against mine as she buried her face in the crook of my neck. She was sobbing quietly, but one could sense the intensity of her grief. My heart raced against my chest wall, and I just stood there, frozen.

"Ling..." she whispered through her tears, her voice raw with anguish. I had never seen her broken. It should've torn me apart, but all I could feel was the overwhelming urge to run. To not let her see how much this was killing me.

I pinched her arms, trying to make her let go. "Orm, please... let go," I ordered, my voice trembling. She took a tighter hold, and my heart felt an appeal in the softest whisper of her voice.

"No," she whispered again, almost pleading. "Let's just stay like this for a while, please."

I closed my eyes, pushing back the tears that threatened to spill. "I said let go," I repeated, my voice a little firmer this time. I held her arms with more force, trying to break free from her hold. "Don't make me push you away."

There was a moment of silence, and then I felt her arms loosen, as if she was giving in to the weight of my words. I pulled away, breaking free from her embrace, and stormed off, leaving her standing there in the sand. I could feel her gaze burning into my back, but I refused to look back.

I needed to get away.

I called Milk to come fetch me. I went under this narra tree towering over my head, sitting down and holding my knees tight against my chest. The weight of everything seemed too much to bear. I was puffy-eyed from crying, but somehow there was nothing else to cry. It felt like my heart had sucked me dry.

A few hours later, I heard the familiar sound of Milk's car pulling up. I slowly got up and began walking toward the backseat. Milk glanced at me through the rearview mirror, her face unreadable, while her girlfriend sat silently beside her, gazing out the window. I didn't say a word as I slid into the car.

"Penthouse?" Milk asked, her voice soft, hesitant.

I shook my head. "Nightclub," I muttered, my voice distant.

I heard Milk sigh, but she did not say anything to me. She simply drove in silence; the only noise was that of the tires rolling against the road. I gazed out of the window and watched how the beach got smaller and farther in the distance as Orm faded from view. I could not help myself, but my head turned again; I hastily turned my eyes away, not wanting to see that woman who once meant everything to me standing there now helpless and broken.

"How did the... talk go?" Milk asked gently, trying not to push but wanting to know.

"I don't know," I responded. "It's just... it's making me so angry at myself. Why does it feel so unfair?" I said. "I don't want to see her hurt, but I can't stop being hurt by her. I... I still care for her. After everything."

Mik faced me from the mirror, her look sympathetic yet knowing. "It's because you loved her," she said with a small, understanding smile. "I'm not going to meddle in your past with her, but... I think you still love her. You're just in denial because you're hurt."

I turned to look at her with my chest pain.

"I can feel it," she continued, her voice soft yet resolute. "You never stopped loving her, even though you're trying to deny it. And I understand if you don't want to give her or your past another chance. But your feelings are valid, P'Ling. I just want you to be happy, to find a way out of this past that's been dragging you down."

Her words were like a blade, deep-cutting. But I knew she was right. I could not escape the feeling that would not leave my heart, no matter how much I tried to run from it. But then again, maybe. Maybe I wasn't ready to face it.

I laid my head on the window. I digested what Milk was telling me. We finally got to the nightclub. However, I wasn't even stirring out of that car. Milk and Love moved stealthily from that vehicle while leaving me back inside, shivering all over alone in that dark rear.

I required that quietness.