glass | gyuricky

fourteen.

By the time he stopped running, he was far enough away he had to crane his neck to see Ricky's apartment building in the distance. He sank down onto the nearest bench on the sidewalk, panting hard, letting his bag fall unheeded onto the seat next to him.

He carded his fingers through his hair, twisting and pulling so hard he winced from the pain. What the hell was that? He took his fingers out of his hair and resisted the urge to punch himself in the jaw.

"I'm screwed," he said aloud, to nobody. Whatever they had, this delicate little game they'd been playing, his one stupid move had ruined it for good. Ricky was going to think Gyuvin was weird and disgusting and whatever other adjective he could cook up, and he'd be right.

Gyuvin leaned back on the bench, far enough his head hung backwards and the trees and shrubs behind him dangled upside down in his view. Merry christmas, he thought, a little bitterly. He tried to think of it as a blessing. There was no way Ricky liked him back, not anymore. In some roundabout way, it meant he was spared from thinking about it.

It took him only a minute more to realise he was, in fact, not spared from thinking about it.

"Jeez..." Gyuvin took his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and walked in the direction of the nearest bus stop as the sky bloomed twilight behind him.

He did his absolute best not to catch Ricky's attention on the first day of school after winter holidays ended, which meant he showed up to school early, wore his school blazer instead of whichever hoodie was laying around near the front door, and didn't spend the first ten minutes of class talking to Gunwook like he usually did.

In fact, he hardly talked at all. He spent most of the art class period staring down at the notebook he had open in front of him and moving his pen to look like he was taking useful notes, but his heart was pounding so loud in his ears he could hardly pay attention to anything Ricky was saying. Gunwook shot him a couple of looks, but said nothing otherwise.

"Alright, that's it for today," Ricky said finally, setting the marker down onto the teachers' desk. "I won't hold you guys back since it's the first day of school. Happy new year, everyone."

Gyuvin kept his eyes down as he packed his bag to head for second period, but as he stood up to leave, Ricky's voice sounded behind him, and his heart fell through his feet.

"Gyuvin, I'd like to see you for a second. Could you stay behind, please?"

Gunwook laughed softly and bumped him on the shoulder. "See you at second period," he said, closing the door behind him, leaving Gyuvin alone in the classroom with Ricky.

"Um, I can't stay long, I have class..." Gyuvin started, willing his voice not to shake. He kept his eyes trained on the pattern of the floor tile in the classroom, trying not to flinch as he heard Ricky's shoes approaching.

"That's okay, I don't plan to keep you for long," Ricky answered, walking over to where Gyuvin was. "I just wanted to talk to you for a moment."

Gyuvin stood where he was, fingers fiddling nervously with the zipper of his jacket, up and down, up and down. "Okay...what is it?"

Ricky leaned against the table in front of Gyuvin, fixing his eyes on him. "You know what I want to talk about," he said gently, but firmly. "Don't pretend you don't."

Gyuvin squeezed his eyes shut, steeled himself for a long moment, and spoke. "I'm sorry, what I did was inappropriate, and I shouldn't have done it," he said, speaking so fast he felt like the words were falling out of his mouth. "I apologise for being disrespectful. I swear it wasn't my intention."

Ricky was silent for a few seconds. "Wasn't your intention to kiss me, or wasn't your intention to be disrespectful?"

Gyuvin visibly winced. "Um...both. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"Is that what you really feel?"

"Huh?" Gyuvin looked up, confused. Ricky had a small frown on his face, like he wasn't quite satisfied with what Gyuvin had said.

"Is that what you really feel?" Ricky repeated. "Do you really think you shouldn't have done it?"

"Yes...?"

Ricky nodded slowly. "Alright. That's all, you may go."

Gyuvin headed for the door, but something in him held him back. "Ricky?"

"Yes?"

His fingers curled around the strap of his bookbag. "Are you mad at me? For what I did?"

Ricky looked a little surprised, before a small smile crossed his face. "Is that what you're worried about?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"Why would I be mad?"

Gyuvin frowned. "Is that a trick question?"

"No, it's not. I was surprised, sure, but there was no reason for me to be mad." Ricky answered, gathering up a pile of papers at his desk. "I'm a little hurt, maybe, but that's all."

"You're hurt? Why?"

Ricky gave a little shrug. "I thought you liked me."

"I do like you, but I..." Gyuvin trailed off, staring open-mouthed at Ricky whilst a storm of emotions cycled through him all at once. "I'm really confused right now."

"You're running late for second period," Ricky remarked, giving him a pointed look. "Let's finish this conversation later."

"But-" Gyuvin glanced up at the clock. "Okay, fine. You promise you're not mad?"

Ricky looked slightly bemused. "I'm not."

"Okay. Can I come find you later? At lunch?"

"No, your lunch period is for you to eat. You can come find me after school."

"Fine, yeah, after school. I have to go. See you later?"

"Mhm, see you later."

Ricky listened to the fading sound of Gyuvin's sneakers thudding down the empty hallway, and he shook his head and smiled.