The Coming of the End
I stood there looking out of the hospital window at the busy town and streets below. I couldn’t help but wish I were one of them. I wished the most I had to worry about was getting home and cleaning my house but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I had so many other things to worry about. I stepped back from the window and let the curtain fall back in place.
I didn’t really look at the room itself because honestly all hospital rooms look the same. Plus what I really cared about was the man lying on the bed. I looked at the sleeping man, my husband Jackson. We have always joked about how clique our relationship has been. We were best friends growing up. Jackson was the hotshot football player but I was more of his geeky sidekick. I can’t really tell you how our relationship went from friends to dating because it was more of a one minute we’re best friends and the next we were making out. I don’t regret a moment of it though, I thought as I sat down in the chair next to the bed.
I felt so heartbroken every time I looked at him. We were both now 25 but Jackson had always still looked like a football player. He was build but not huge with dark brown hair that always looked kind of shaggy. The Jackson in the bed didn’t look like that though. Chemo and radiation had taken their toll on him. He was now weak and fragile and had lost all of his hair. I was always so afraid I would hurt or break him but no matter what he was still the most beautiful man and I still loved him with all of my heart. I gently took his hand in mine then laid my head on both our hands. I just laid there and looked up into his face as I fell asleep.
I woke up to the feeling of someone gently stroking my hair. Opening my eyes, I saw the smiling face of Jackson.
“Hey Jacks, how long have you been awake and how are you feeling?” I asked him.
“A little while. Ok at the moment.” he said in a gravelly voice.
“You know you should have woke me up”
“Yeah, but I really like to watch you sleep. You always look so peaceful” He says then slightly frowns.
“Thomas, I have something important I want to say but you have to listen and not talk or interrupt, ok?” he says. I can’t help the bad feeling but I nod my head yes.
He uses the hand he was stroking my hair with to tilt my chin so I am looking directly in his eyes.
“Thomas, love. I love you more than anything in this world but my end is coming. I won’t be able to stay here with you. “I wanted to interrupt and argue but he didn’t give me a chance. “I know you think I will get better but I’m not, love. They’ve done all they can do but I don’t have much time. You have to make me a promise, love, ok?” he asks me as I hold his hand in tears. I could only nod. “Thomas, you have to go on without me. I know you will always love me but this is my end not yours. You can’t stop your life just because I am not in it. I want you to promise me that you will keep going. I want you to love again and love him enough for both of us, create a family, and do all the things we never got to do. I know this will be hard but do it for me. This is the only thing I ask from you, love. Remember that the end is coming for me but not for you. Please promise to go on. Please promise me.” The end sounding almost like a whisper. With tears streaming down my face, I looked into my husband’s eyes and said, “I promise Jackson. I will go on because I love you. Jackson, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you so much.” His eyes started to close and the last thing he said was, “I love you too, Thomas.” The end had come.
