Gifts - Chp 4

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I’ve never experienced such a desire to know and be accepted by anyone before. I follow her like she holds all the answers. She jumps, I jump. She cries, I cry. She’s wounded, I’m wounded. Nothing seems to be able to measure of the affect she has on me. It’s like my whole entire life is worthless now, all that I was put on earth was to please her and learn her inside out. Since when was I willing to put my own needs and my own families just to please someone, a girl? Yet she isn’t just some girl. Just the thought of those words being directed at my Lucille grew me to see the sins of red. I do not know anything and yet I do know that now all that matters is that she does not fear me, that she does not run away. Because she is all that I need. I need acceptance. – Jacob Iris.

We agreed to look outside first, I showed him around whilst we were laughing, chatting and mocking; natural conversations as if we were best friends. It was fun and for the first time in quite some time I found myself capable of fully escaping my past and just being myself.

Our school’s library was our last stop before getting ready for lunch. I waited outside whilst Lucas went inside and signed up for a library card and put himself in the libraries database. I didn’t want to see more staring eyes, not that I told Lucas that.

As I waited I rested my head against the pole and looked out at the view, after a while I let the sun soak me up and closed my eyes. I stared humming until the sun was gone from reflecting on the back of my lids and instead a shadow washed over my face.

Too scared to open my eyes I just spoke with them closed tight “Hi Lucas.”

I could hear him laugh “You know you’re lucky you don’t have a pathetic voice, because if so it would have made this new embarrassing incident a whole lot worse.”

I opened my eyes and laughed ”I wasn’t singing!” I protested.

He looked at me completely serious “If you can hum as such than you can sing as such.”

I turned back to the view, it wasn’t much it was just on top of the hill so our small town was beneath you. Not that having your school being on the top of the hill was a plus; it was a bitch to walk to school. Yet my toned carves disagreed.

I sighed and spun around to face him. He was right there in reach to grab his face and bring his lips over mine, but if I did would it be returned? Would he be happy or would he be filled with revolt and disgust?

I decided with the later.

He smiled down at me “Twenty questions coming your way, you ready?”

I laughed “You make it sound like a serious conversation!” I laughed again. Lucas laughed along with me his eyes sparkling.

When we finally stopped laughing we realized maybe laughing like fools wasn’t the smartest thing to be done outside the libraries’ door. So we began to walk down into the shade on the ovals grass.

Putting my bad down I leant against it whilst Lucas sat down and like me picked up blades of grass and began splitting them down the middle or rubbing them between our thumbs.

“Hmmm, first question…I better make it the best one.” He said smiling. I just laughed. He sat thinking, or at least pretending to until he straightened his posture slightly and looked me right in the eye. I caught my breath. “Have you always lived here in Greenfly?”

I honestly didn’t expect that question. “Yeah, I live on a farm with my family. Kind of. It’s hard to explain, my parents have been travelling for over three months or so straight now. So I live with my Nan in town and travel out to the farm on weekends. It can be a bit dull…” I laughed weakly. His eyes watched me calculating my moves and I felt bare to him, as if he could see right through that laugh. And a part of me wanted to, a part of me wanted to let these tears of betrayal to spill over my lashes and sear my skin.

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