How to love!

Chapter 11

"Are you alive in there?" I hear a voice snap at me. I blink, snapping out of my thoughts and see Ino before me. The others: Shika, Choji & Sakura stand behind her with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine, sorry, I got lost in my thoughts," I answer her. "What were we talking about?" Ino sighs and Sakura puts a hand on my shoulder.

"We asked if you wanted to come with us to go eat, we were thinking of getting some onigiris"

Sakura answers me.

"Oh, sure that sounds good to me." I say and follow them. Sakura wraps her arm in mine and I can hear her sigh.

"You have to stop blaming yourself. He will be back soon. It's probably just a hard mission, but he will be back." Sakura whispers to me. I frown at her and was about to answer when Ino turns her head. I can tell she's trying to listen.

"I know, Tomodachi-San. Thank you." I state and can tell I Ino didn't like that our conversation wasn't going further.

I wanted to talk, my mind was racing since it had been 2 weeks since Kakashi had left. But I wasn't about to spill my guts out to Sakura in the middle of Konoha where everyone can hear. She squeezes my arm with hers as we enter the shop and sit in a small booth.

Ino turns to me as I slide my plate away from me.

"Are you okay, Kane, you seem to be down a lot lately? Is it Ms. Lu?" Ino asks. Shika and Choji turn as well when they hear her question. All have concern in their eyes and I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve such good friends. I smile slightly at all of them.

"That's part of it, Ino, but I will be okay. I unfortunately can't talk about the rest. It's clan politics." I tell her, not the full truth but partly. I hated lying to them but I knew that the more people that found out would more than likely get back to Lady Tsunade and my mother. Sakura knowing was the only risk I was willing to take. Especially when it wasn't just me who would be judged and get into trouble.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. With how you have looked lately I would have given up my title and status as princess." Ino grumbles, shaking her head. Shika nods but seems to get lost in his thoughts.

"Sometimes I feel like it," I mumble, they all gasp and look at me surprised. "The closer I get to gaining the title of Queen and finding out more and more that goes with that title. The more I wonder if I am cut out for it. I don't know how my mother does it. Honestly, I love my clan wholeheartedly, but I wonder what else my mother gave up just to be Queen."

"Gave up, what do you mean?" Choji asks in between bites. I shake my head. Long-lasting friendships, real girls' nights, fun, love... I think and frown.

"A lot." I answer, I put money on the table to pay for everyone, slide myself out of the booth and walk away from them. All are too shocked to protest and follow me. I knew if I stayed I would have told them everything.

I wander out of the village to the spot where Kakashi took me training. I sit by the small pond, taking off my shoes and slipping my bare feet in. I lay down and stare at the clouds letting my mind drift through everything that has been worrying me. The more I think the more I can feel my eyes start to water. I close my eyes and feel the tears slide down the side of my face and into my hair. I shake my head angrily trying to stop myself from breaking down. Why did I have to go and fuck things up, why did I have to kiss him? Stupid fucking impulses and hormones. Why did you have to go and do that, he could have just remained your crush none the wiser and he wouldn't have gone and left. I sigh as I chastise myself for the millionth time in the past two weeks.

I must have fallen asleep because I am gently shaken awake by a blond-haired boy squatting down next to me. "Hey, are you okay?" I sit up and stretch.

"Oh, I must have fallen asleep. I'm sorry." I say standing up as he stands. I look behind him to see a white-haired man as well.