Alex

Pulling Away

          I pulled into Joe's driveway, parking behind Josh and Mike. I parked my bug and sat for a moment, my phone in my lap. Suddenly it rang and I answered without looking. "Alex?" I asked, I had this feeling it was him. The line was silent for a moment. "Mia." his voice sounded so small, I had to fight the tears away again. I grabbed the steering wheel with my free hand. "Alex, what is going on?" I asked biting my bottom lip. "I'm sorry Mia...can I see you?" "Yes, yes. I just got to Joe's but I'll meet you anywhere." "I'll come to you at Joe's okay? I'll see you soon." "Alex." "I'll be there soon, I promise. Bye." and he hung up. I let myself finally breath and got out of the car, heading for the front door.

     I walked down the hallway of Joe's house, following the voices and laughs of the guys to the living room. I gave them all a weak smile when I entered, the three of them looking up at me from the couches. Joe stood up, walking towards me but I put my hand up. "Don't, I want to hug you just not now. I'm fighting back the tears and I know if I hug you I'll break. So just don't, not yet." I said and walked past him. I sat down on the couch next to Josh and sighed. He put his hand on my thigh, patting it a couple of times. "He's coming here to talk to me." I said, looking at the three of them. Joe moved to the couch across from me and sat down next to Mike. "That's good right?" Mike smiled but he was the only one. There was a dark cloud hanging over me, a dark feeling in the pit of my stomach. I nodded anyway, Josh quickly changing the subject.

     Thirty minutes later there was a knock at the door. "I got it." Joe said not even looking at me as he headed for the door, a dark look on his face. I heard mumbling at the door and then Joe came back, Alex following him. He looked rough. His hair was a mess on top of his head and his black shirt was wrinkled, his eyes had dark circles under them. I stood up when he entered the room, our eyes locking. "Alex." I said noticing a sadness in his eyes. I hurried over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me tight. "Can we go outside?" he asked, pulling away from me and taking my hand. I let him lead me out to the terrace, the guys slyly moving closer to the door so they could listen in. I wasn't worried about them.

     I stood in front of Alex waiting for his mouth to open, for his explanation to fall out but it didn't. "Alex, why didn't you tell me you had a drug problem before?" I finally asked. He couldn't look me in the eye. "That isn't exactly something you tag to introduction Mia." "No, but it is something you tell your best friend." I shot back at him, tears stinging the back of my eyes.  I could see his eyes growing red as he fought back his own tears. It broke my heart and I had to look away from him now to keep from breaking down. "I just didn't know how to tell you, and I thought it was irrelevant. I'd been sober of all that junk for a long time." he said and I stared at my feet, crossing my arms. "Then what happened to make you relapse?" I asked, looking back at his face. "I don't know Mia, it just happened. I ran into this girl, I was drunk, Jake was whispering in my ear. It just happened." "How? Who the fuck was that girl?" "Some random girl who comes into the bar sometimes. I've had a thing for her and she had pills. I wasn't going to take any but Jake was wasted too and he offered that we go back to his place with some other girls, so we did. We drank some more, popped some Molly then this girl gave us all some more pills...and...and the rest speaks for itself. I'm sorry Mia, I'm sorry for scaring you. I left you that message because I was scared at some point too, I wanted to come home to find you. But by then it didn't matter Mia, I was already so fucked up...I fucked up. I messed the fuck up Mia." Alex wiped his eyes and I finally broke, tears flooding my face.

     "Don't cry Mia, please. I can't stand it." he stepped closer to me. "I just wish you would have told me you had an addiction, I would have been more aware and I would have been able to help." I looked into his eyes, stepping closer to him now too. "No Mia, no one can help me." "But you're better now. You had one bad night, we can get you back on track and just forget this ever happened." I put my hand on his arm and he shook his head at me. "No Mia, it isn't that simple. I had a relapse and I don't want to be that person I used to be. I have to get out of here, I have to go." he took my hand and kissed my palm, a tear running down his cheek now. "What are you saying?" I asked softly. "I'm leaving Mia, I have to. It's what's best for me." "Where will you go?" I choked back tears. "New York, where my brother is. He's going to let me stay with him while I work things out." he said. My tears were controlling me now, my shoulder shaking as I cried. "Mia, please don't be upset. I don't want you to be sad." "Alex you're my best friend...and to have to see you like that, and now like this...it's killing me. And now you're saying you're leaving? I know you have to do what's best for you, I get that. But it just really sucks is all." I mumbled through my sobs and Alex pulled me into him, nuzzling his face in my shoulder. "I know Mia, I fucked up but I'm doing what I need to to make it better." "I know." I said hugging him as tight as I could. He hugged me back, his hand holding the back of my head. "Mia you seriously are my best friend, I love you and I'll find my way back to you okay?" he pulled away from me, keeping his hand on my head. I nodded to him and pulled me back into a hug. We stood like that for a long time, crying into each other's arms. "I promise we will meet again." Alex said, rubbing my tears away with his thumb. "I know we will, I love you Alex." I quickly hugged him again, kissing his cheek. "I'll keep in touch." he whispered, squeezing my hand before heading inside to say bye to everyone else.

     I stood with my back facing the guys, listening to Alex quickly say goodbye to everyone and slam the door as he left Joe's house, my life. Had I seriously just lost my best friend again? I think I had officially cried all the tears out of my body. I stood looking out onto the pool when Joe came up behind me. "Mia?" he asked and I smiled softly, turning to face him. "He's leaving, for New York." I said pushing my hair back. "He told us. Are you okay?" he asked. "I will bed. I honestly just want to party tonight, and just forget about everything for a minute." I said and walked back inside, Joe following. "You guys want to go out tonight?" I looked at Josh and Mike who were staring like they'd just seen a ghost. "Are you sure?" Mike asked, he and Josh sitting up from the couch. I rolled my eyes at him and turned to Josh. "Hey baby, you know I'm down." Josh winked at me and I smiled. I turned to Joe now too. "You can come too, if you want. I'd like you too. I just want to let loose for awhile." I stared at Joe who looked right back at me. "Let loose then Mia. I'll be there." he nodded to me. "Okay, see you at Vintage around ten?" I asked and headed for the door before they answered. I needed to let off all the steam swarming inside of me. From everything that had just happened with Alex, from the smothered feeling I got from Katie, from the empty feeling I had now, from the restful unknown feelings I had for Joe. It was time to just forget.