Random College Quotes

87 - The Official Eric Landes Quote of Quotes™

Howdy folks, it's been quite some time since the last update. But I have an absolute gold mine for this chapter.

Last spring (and the fall semester before that) I had one professor for my typography- Professor Landes. This guy was AMAZING. I'm so glad I had him 2 semesters in a row. He was a funny guy, but he also gave helpful advice and feedback as well. I compiled a list of funny things he said throughout both semesters, which I later sent to my friends at the end of the semester (it was a 10 PAGE google doc). I really regret not sending it to Landes himself... I think he would've gotten a kick out of it. It's probably too late to send it to him atp.

But without further ado, I present The Official Eric Landes Quote of Quotes™:

Typography 1 (fall semester)
• "He checked into rehab because he kept using the same font over and over again."
• "Batman's wearing a capital letter B!"
• "Are you scaling disproportionately? That's a cardinal sin. I'm gonna have to get holy water and bless everything in here."
• "You are an adult. At least a little one."
• "Don't trust K's. They'll pretend to be friends, then they'll drive off in your car."
• "Thursday's another day of suffering... I mean, a work day."
• "Damn girl, control yo stylus."
• "This one is working like a square serif. A squareif, if you will. I just patented that."
• "That looks Celtic. That shit makes me wanna wear plaid."
• "Not to get off-topic, but let's go on the Gucci website."
• "Resist, resist, resist, and drink the Kool Aid."
• "I hope this projector was expensive because it's really worth it."
• "Nobody look at that. Don't copy my dots."
• "Soon we're gonna have a Pantone pharmacy, where they color code your pills or something."
• "Look at that mocha shit going on."
• "Are you squishing your A? I saw that."
• "I'm gonna glue your finger to the Shift key."
• "Pantone is the shizzle."
• "The internet is full of shit."
• "You can tell they're serious. They've got beards, they wear all black..."
• "Spam risk. Does anyone wanna take it?"
• "Now you can be a CEO because you know how to use guidelines."
• "It's kinda like the Abercrombie and Fitch of design."
• "What does messy look like? An Argentinian striker."
• "We should be concerned about your stretching habits."
• "Like a good cooking show, this is already prepared for you."
• "You may be wondering what we're doing, Joe. I do too."
• "You know why you're wrong? That's actually good, so I can assert my dominance on the class again."
• "This is gonna be on the quiz. ...Now that I have your undivided attention..."
• "I love that strawberry-lemonade shit going on."
• "That's not an apex. F!"
• "That looks nice. Who the hell did that? That's right, I did that."
• "Administrator password? I'm gonna have to beat it out of one of them."
• "Are you sure you want to waste your last question of the semester on this?"
• "My only problem is... well I have several problems."
-Lay: "Do you even know what you're saying?"
-Eric: "No, that's my policy with foreign languages. I'm just here to say silly things."
• "You need to learn when to stop aging stuff. 'Oh, my soup could use a banana! How about some artichokes?' "
• "Your hair was a conduit for Satan."
• "It's always my favorite when God is the hillbilly."
• "Always kids, remain in the weird."
• "I try to know nothing about Florida."
• "Make a list. Shit you need to cut out."
• " 'Fuck Gavin' is a great name for a font."
• "I think if it doesn't snow, then you shouldn't be allowed to celebrate Christmas. I know it's regionalist, but it must be said."

***

Typography 2 (spring semester)
• "Let's welcome the new people with suspicious glares."
• "Shit's supposed to go to hell in the middle of the semester, not right away."
• Boo Yah Tribe (not a quote from him, but something that showed up on a website he showed us)
-Someone: "We need to make a way for Comic Sans to come back."
-Me: "Isn't that what Undertale is?"
• "You can't hate picas for SHIT girl!"
• "That's a lot of parents. It's like a little league game."
• "You're just gonna Pong that shit."
• "Rotating is like crack. Next thing you know, you're robbing liquor stores to rotate stuff."
• "Does that say tweak your logo? Or twerk your logo?"
• "Are you outsourcing your Rubik's cube?"
• "I want him FIRED." -Alex, about The Barry Deck™ (an awful professor a lot of us in the class had for another class)
• "Woah! ¡Piso mojado!"
• "Cortel. Remember the name." (ironically I think I spelled it wrong)
• "No kinky parabolas."
• "I collectively taught my class to say 'Up yours' when someone sneezed."
• "If you use Apple Chancery in all caps, I'll strangle you."
• "Girl, you were MADE for newspapers."
• "She's an RFG - Really Fucking Great. It's a professional term we use, like 'Yo that kid's an RFG.' "
• "I'm a little interested in the satanic underworld."
• "I know everyone's trying to work on the slim without the shady..."
• "Don't worry about it. You're all very close to not giving a shit."
• "Dumb. Who did this? That's right, I did that."
• "If you need a whole DAY for that..." (about Valentines Day)
• "Look at that Q. That shit's got style for DAYS yo."
• "The torture will last until the last day of class."
• "You are exempt from the quiz by identifying Supreme as a sans serif."
• "That's why God made psychedelic drugs."
• "You can catch me BUSTING Fortnite on-- I'm just kidding, I don't play Fortnite."
• "Backspace that shit, girl!"
• "I'm E-dawg! I design the dopest typefaces!"
• "You're on the toilet [reading the article], and next thing you know, your legs are numb and you know about Karl Rowe. It's a double negative: I can't walk and I hate Karl Rowe."
• "What kind of swatches should you be using? It starts with P and ends with 'antone'."
• "I only fuck with you if it's something that's not serious."
• "Is this supposed to be a waffle with erectile dysfunction?" -The Barry Deck™
• "200 bucks? I spend that on lunch."
• "I am the cheetah of the graphic design teaching world."
• "Don't go crazy with the type. I'm gonna have to get the fire extinguisher."
• "Your wings are feather-less. They look like little sticks."
• "I may be bombastic..."
• "I'm not questioning your spidey senses."
• "Have you ever been to Paris? It smells like urine, but it's really great there."
• "Damn, that request STALE."
• "Thanks Issuu. If you were gonna change, you could've at least let me know."
• "I know this is tiny, but you know... hashtag Apple."
• "Satan lives in Capartina, California."
• "A segment can be anything. Worms can be segmented."
• "Stephen King is like 'Yo that's me, fool.' "
• "I'm just as manipulative as anybody."
• "You gotta trim those ugly-ass rivers, girl!"
• "Do YOU want your head squished?"
-Eric: "What else does it need?"
-Larissa: "Idk, cunt?"
• "Adobe is in cahoots with Satan himself."
-Lay: "I know they (rattlesnakes) rattle."
-Sebastian: "Oh, do they?" (I wasn't looking so I don't exactly know which two people said this)
• "I've often thought of charging people to do their portfolio for them."
• "Are you addicted [to Chipotle], or are you gonna stick to soggy sandwiches?"
• "Yo amo that shit!"
• "It's not about the peer pressure. You should really try the crack."
• "Sorry doesn't cut the mustard."