All In My Head (GirlxGirls)

Operation: Fuck Up

I honestly dont know what I want anymore; on one hand I have Nevaeh, she's all I can ever think about, shes so beautiful, just everything about her is amazing as it has always been. Then there's Keisha, the girl that controls my life, she's okay looking, I'm not emotionally or physically attracted to her, but hey it beats being alone I guess. As things with Nevaeh's health gets back to normal she seems to be better off without me being her girlfriend. It's safe to say that being just friends would save us from a lot of trouble. So I just begin to focus on Keisha.
Keisha, Keisha, Keisha I tell myself over and over again. It never seems to stick in my head, I always end up thinking about that kiss Nevaeh and I had shared close to my birthday. It wasn't anything like you'd see in the movies. Where the male and female lead kiss and then at that point they realize they were destined to be together. It was sort of a nervous kiss on my part. Just something about Nevaeh made my heart throb out of my chest, made my mind race with millions of possibilities, and how I wanted her for myself. The only thing was is she was talking to one of my best friends at the time. "If you love something set it free, if it was meant to be it'll come back eventually." So I set her free, to blossom.
Hell I don't know what was going on with me and Keisha. It was always something with her. I always zoned out, I was always so over it. If it hadn't been for the promise I made to her Nevaeh and I would be in this movie magic relationship I had always dreamed of. The Netflix and pizza kind of relationship, where it was actually just pizza and Netflix. The dates to weird, and unusual places. Most kids were going to movies and dinner,or walking around the mall like broke niggas. I wanted to give her something special she had never had before and something she would never forget. Although, she already had someone who should do it for her but was terrible at it. All Dawn wanted from her was meaningless and terrible from what Nevaeh told me, I knew I could show her how making love was supposed to be.
Except again - Keisha was still my girlfriend if that's what you wanted to call it since I was obsessed with Nevaeh. To be completely honest, Keisha was just there because of this promise. Im not one to break my promises. Never have been.
Nevaeh and I had been planning to get together all summer. Plan after plan fell through because of Keisha. She was just so intimidated by this girl that had my heart. Which is understandable, but you should be confident about yourself. Nevaeh and I made plans to go to the pool. In my head, I was in love with the idea of seeing her half naked, I'd rather have her in bed naked. Kissing her. All over. Showing her how to make love the right way. Hours at a time, switching positions while she scratches me up. Biting me to keep quiet. Moving my tongue to the beat of the music, while she drips. Giving her the attention that she needs.
Nevaeh, she's a thick girl. Like that ass, it amazes me. With short curly hair, freckles on her cheeks. Light brown eyes, when the sun catches them it looks like they're glowing. Her lips full, and not where they should be. They should be pressed to mine, intertwining like a puzzle piece to paint the perfect picture. The picture of me and her was always a perfect painting. A delicate piece of art.
So we finally get to hang out at the pool, I invited Keisha just so she wouldn't be worried or anything I guess. Everything to me seemed to be going fine. Except Keisha was all over me unlike she usually was, I thought nothing of it. But then again it bothered me that the girl I was in love with was watching this. I sorta wished I hadn't invited her in the first place. At the end of the day they seemed okay.
It was coming up on Nevaeh's birthday again, and I was supposed to stay the night with her and hang with her family. But of course, Keisha had another idea. She wanted me to help her move. So I reluctantly did. I told Nevaeh that I'd make it up to her.
Keisha went through my phone the day I helped her move and she didn't like the way I was talking to Nevaeh so she felt the need to intervene. She told me I had to choose. Keisha or Nevaeh. By this time I had my head shoved so far up Keisha's ass I didn't know what I was doing.
I reluctantly sent Nevaeh a message that said, "I'm sorry, but we can no longer be friends because it's causing problems in my relationship. So as far as I'm concerned, you're dead to me." Never had I cried this hard. I cried myself to sleep that night. I made my momma disappointed in me. And everything from that point on went down hill with Keisha. I had lost all respect to myself and even considered killing myself. Keisha constantly tore me down. Hated anyone I talked to that wasn't her.
I eventually had to start going to counseling for my suicidal thoughts. They ended up putting me on antidepressants. They helped. I just wanted Nevaeh back. But I knew I blew it. Around my 18th birthday I was coming to figure out that Keisha wasn't shit. She was just a manipulative, conniving bitch controlling my life. I was done. I had become the bitch, doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. That got me out of my funk. I was done.
I held on till prom, not a good idea, to get all of my revenge in. In the time between my birthday and prom, I had cheated on her with several people and made a fool out of her. After prom I dropped her without her even knowing.