Lover Dearest [3]

14.) Freaking Out

Don’t panic, Libby. Breathe in and breathe out and just don’t panic. This is a no panic zone. No panicking and/or hyperventilating allowed.

I tried to tell myself this as I paced back and forth in my room. I’d taken a few Aspirin and without the dull headache and bubbling stomach on my mind, my thoughts were now much more clear than they were half an hour ago, and I was absolutely freaking my freak out and it was not cool.

Before this week, I’d never even considered looking at Jackson as anything other than my best friend’s older brother. I mean, sure we could be considered close, I think you could even call us friends. But this? This was way off the radar for me. This was completely new territory that I never planned on venturing to. Jackson was the kid who I’d grown up with, he was like the brother that I never had, and just that- a brother. Well, more like a hot step-brother, but that’s beside the point. I’ve always thought that he was hot, like I’ve mentioned previously, but my attraction for him was only physical. I had no problem admitting that he was hot- most of America agreed with me on the matter. But that’s as far as it ever went with him. I’d never had a crush, like a mental I-think-you’re-a-great-person-and-I’m-in-love-with-you crush . Sure, he is a great guy, but I’d never even ever considered the possibility of ever looking at him like that. It’s never crossed my mind.

That is, until a few days ago at the pool.

But that’s like so weird to me. What would Holly think? Would she freak out and be mad or would she be excited and happy? I have no idea. Sometimes, we’d talk about me dating Jackson, but we’d only laugh about it, knowing that it was never a possibility. We never actually thought that it would happen, so I have no idea what she would do if I told her about what had happened last night.

This was all so new to me. I had no idea what I was feeling or what I should do. What do people do in these situations? I had no idea. Did I look like I knew about what happened when you unexpectedly sleep with your best friend’s brother who just so happens to be a international sex god? No! There is no ‘What To Do When You Get Drunk And Have The Roughest Sex Ever With A Major Celebrity’ for Dummies book. Nor was there a movie or a anything. Maybe that was because nobody else was stupid enough to actually mess up this badly.

Did I like Jackson?

Did I want more than friends?

Maybe just friends with benefits?

What about Holly?

Am I going mentally insane?

How do I get the pain in my no-no square to go away, for the love of God?!

I don’t know how, and I don’t remember when, but somehow, I was dragged into the living room, where most of the people living in this mansion-castle were moping around with lovely hangovers. Jackson wasn’t there, I noticed.

“So where’d you go last night?” Holly asked me curiously. “You kinda disappeared.”

I shrugged. “I guess I just passed out. I’m a light weight.” I mumbled. I planned on telling Holly the truth, but not in front of everybody right here. No, I definitely wouldn’t do that. When we’re in private and not trying to desperately claw ourselves out of some gruesome hangovers.

“Yeah.” She chuckled softly and then winced at the pain that must have surged through her head. “You are.”

Harris brought out a huge plate of plain toast and we all groaned our thank yous as we all devoured the toast. “I’ll go to the shop and get some Ginger Ale.” He announced.

I would have thanked him, but he was quickly out of sight, probably half way to the store by now because the man moves as quick as lightning, I swear.