The Shooting (1Dstory - Narry)

Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week now… A full week since it happend.

I still don’t know how to grasp it. Do I let go?

But even if I want to, how do I do it?

Nobody talks about it anymore, like nothing ever happened.

It scares me… a lot!

Yes, I do still dream about it. The dreams are always worse…

Last night, he died… Why couldn’t I save him. Did it mean something?

I still see the masked man running in, shouting and then falling to the floor.

Eyes wide open, blood running from his mouth and ear… Gun falling out of his hand.

He stared at me, straight at me. While his soul left his body, I saw the light in his eyes fading away.

I’ve never seen any scarier image in my life. He wasn’t even sad, he just smiled. Like it was what he wanted.

The boys I was with in the room, I bonded with… or so I thought… Don’t look at me anymore, don’t acknowledge me… As if I’m air, like I don’t exist… as if I just dreamed it all…

I feel so frustrated, I’m so mad. I just want to go up to them and shove them into a locker. Hit them in the face, maybe that’ll wake them up!

Maybe it is just my fault. I know I am socially awkward. Or maybe it’s me being gay?

I understand though that they don’t really want to be seen with me. That we can’t be friends, but on the other hand, we’ve been through so much together.

I’ve never been so alone, even though I’ve never been more surrounded by people then right now.

The constant buzzing of people and their sad looks make me go mental. As if I need their pity! Seriously! They don’t understand!

“It’s going to allright”, “you are still alive”, “one day you will just forget about it”…

Are they stupid! How can you forget something like that!?

Sure nobody died, but that doesn’t make it any better.

Today was the first time back at school. I still don’t understand how I survived any of it! I am yet again alone. Nothing changed, no indication of last weeks…. Shooting.

It sounds so weird. “It’ll never happen to me”, yeah right!

I didn’t know how to handle it, not going to lie. Constantly looking over my shoulder, listening for shots being fired. I’m going paranoid. Whenever I bumped into someone my heart stopped. I feel anxious all the time.

I actually ran to the bathroom to cry. Cry hard, break down. I feel so lame, so fragile.

When I finally came home, I just put some music up and did what I always did the past week…

I lost myself in it. Don’t know how I did it, but before I knew it I heard my parents calling for me. When I looked to my alarmclock two hours had passed… And it’s just a gap in my mind, all blank.

Will I ever get better? Will they notice me again? Do I need help?

No. No. Yes! I definitely need help. PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE!

I’m losing my mind….

Yours,

Niall

Thank you @Lotte_xx for the trailer on the side! It is amazing, wicked and so much more! This story is now just as much mine as it is yours :D ♥