A Language All Our Own

Brave Ali Krieger

Ali wakes up with the sun beaming through the curtains. Her head pounding, she tries in a panic to remember what had happened the night before. Oh. Right. Her head continues to throb as she carefully removes herself from Kelley's arms- it feels like a hangover, only worse. She makes her way into the bathroom, and washes her face with noxzema before stepping in the shower. 

Ali allows the hot water to pound on her body, letting it burn her skin a little in order to numb the pain from last night. The kiss with Ashlyn. Kelley accidentally forcing Ali to come out. She shakes the thoughts away, and rinses her body from the dry hotel soap and shampoo. 

As Ali steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, she jumps at the sight of Kelley leaning against the frame of the vanity door. "So are you up for breakfast? Let's get out of here." Ali compliantly nods her head and makes her way to her suitcase, pulling out patterned leggings and a loose grey tee shirt. "Five minutes and I'll be ready to go," Ali says.

___

Ali and Kelley make the silent walk down to the hotel lobby before quietly slipping out of the doors and into the warm, fresh Colorado air. "Where are we going?" Ali asks, seriously wondering where Kelley thought that she would find a breakfast place.

"There's this little cafe that me and Tobs found the other day with really good coffee. I think you'll like it," Kelley says dryly to her friend, wondering if Ali felt as awkward as she did in that moment. 

They walk down the pretty sidewalks dotted with overgrown trees until they reach a little cafe with a porch out front. They ascend the stairs, and walk in to the fairy-light lit sitting area. It was adorable. 

"Your regular?" Kelley asks. Ali nods, thankful for how well Kelley knew her. She takes a seat on a modern white chair next to a polished tree stump table. She rests her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands as she patiently waits for Kelley to return. Anxious for the conversation about to take place, she rhythmically taps her nails against the wood of the table. Kelley returns and Ali sits up straight again. 

"Alright, practice is at 4 and it's 8:30 now. We need to be back by 3:30, which leaves you with seven hours to get what ever you need to talk about out of your system. So go for it," Kelley says, her eyes bright with a concerned interest in Ali's thoughts. 

"Where do I start Kel?"

"How about we start with what in the world you were thinking last night," Kelley says with her eyebrows raised, a cold expression on her face. 

"Um- yeah, I wasn't thinking."

"Well that's a start Al. I could tell by your face that you regretted that kiss the second after you did it, so why do it in the first place? And what were you guys signing about? How does Ashlyn even know sign?" Kelley asks seriously.

Ali is instantly overwhelmed by the questions. She didn't know where to begin. Knowing Kelley, the questions weren't intended to come off as interrogating, but they did none the less. She puts her elbows on the table and cups her forehead with her hands. "Kel, it just happened. I really don't know what to say. I thought there was this instant connection, but based on the look on her face I'm going to dare to venture that I was wrong."

Kelley nods her head as the barista walks over with two coffees and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Ali momentarily looks up to thank him, then returns her eyes to Kelley, who looks consumed in her own thoughts. Kelley sighs.

"Are you okay Al? I'm really being a bitch about this, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I outed you, I should have just kept quiet. We're best friends, and I'm just so lost. You know how protective I-"

"Kelley, you're fine. You know that. I'm sorry I didn't come to you with this."

"Did you struggle Al? I should have known you were struggling, oh my god how long-"

"I didn't struggle, Kel. I'm fine," Ali says, cutting Kelley off once again. Kelley's rambling thoughts were starting to scare Ali, and she needed to cut them off before they ventured too deep. But Kelley takes one look at Ali's sad chocolate eyes and knows she's lying.

"Ali, god you're a bad lier! Please tell me it hasn't been bad."

Ali bites her lips as her mind rushes through the journey she had gone on the last ten years. After she broke up with Tyler her senior year, she finally got up the courage to come out to herself. She vowed to never have a boyfriend again. But that didn't mean she was okay with being gay.

She pictured her life on the road until her mid 40's, traveling with the national team. After that, she planned to use her degree in advertising to continue to work with the national team and do promotion. Then she would retire around 60, using her time to volunteer with underprivileged youth and other programs to give back. And then she would die- never knowing love.

She was scared. Scared by the stigma, scared by the standards. She was scared of what would happen to her career. But mostly, she was scared by how her relationships with her friends and family would change. Ali valued the people close to her more than the world, and she couldn't imagine losing them over their own prejudices. 

Ali bites the inside of her cheek, realizing that she had just poured her heart out to Kelley. "Oh, Alexandra." Kelley only used Ali's full name when she knew she needed comforting. She pushed her chair next to Ali's, and wrapped an arm around her friend, trying to make up for the time that she had involuntarily left Ali alone in her own hurt and fear. 

"You've been dealing with this since college?"

"Well, since high school really. I just finally accepted it in college."

Kelley looks down and shakes her head. "You're really brave Ali Krieger."

Ali laughs slightly, letting Kelley's words fly over her head.

"I mean it. It takes strength and dignity and grace to deal with your brothers problems, an internal battle like that, and managing a life as a professional football player all while keeping it together." Ali rolls her eyes at Kelley's soppiness. 

"I mean it! This might be the first time ever I'm not bullshitting you and your ego," Kelley says on a lighter note. Ali laughs elbows her in the ribs before pausing to regain a moment of seriousness. 

"Thanks Kel. I love you dude."

"I love you too Al, and I hope that you know nothing will ever change that."