It Happened So Fast: The Diary of a Teen Mom

Chapter 2

Many apologies for how long it took me to update!  Thank you to everyone for the comments!  You guys keep me writing! :)

August 4th, 7pm

I haven't talked to Jesse since he stayed over here.  I hoped that what happened between us wouldn't change anything, but how could it not?  I'm so confused now.  Are we dating or friends or "lovers" or what?  I don't feel like we fit any of those molds.  And I don't think I want us to.  I just want us to be, well, us. 

 August 10th, 10pm

I saw Jesse on my way to Lori's house today.  He gave me a weak smile, but didn't even say hi.  I don't know if he's acting weird because he feels awkward or what.  I just want us to be close again, like always.  I wanted to ask Lori for advice, but I didn't want to tell her what happened.  There's no way I'm telling anyone about that. Ever.  It hurts so bad to have been so close to someone and then not even be able to talk to them. 

August 12th, 11:30pm

We had a long talk tonight, about everything.  I felt like if we didn't start talking again now we might never speak to each other again.  I went to his house and acted as normal as I could.  I could tell he was sort of embarrassed to see me, but I couldn't let that stop me.  His dad invited me to stay, but there was no way I was having this conversation with Mr. Warren around.  I told him it was such a nice night that I felt like taking a walk.  I felt sort of bad, because I can tell he doesn't like to be alone since Jesse's mom left.  The first block or so Jesse and I walked in silence.  Finally I forced myself to talk.  "I don't want things between us to change because of what happened.  I really care about you, Jess, and I don't want to lose that."  He seemed to relax a little.  From there we talked about not wanting to lose our friendship and how it seemed like we'd let things happen too fast between us.  We decided from now on we'd take things one day at a time, which I'm happy about.  I don't think either of us is ready for a physical relationship.  We just want to enjoy being young right now.  Then we got to the playground where we used to play as kids.  We looked at each other and grinned, then went running to the swings.  We played and talked and laughed.  I just know everything will be okay between us from now on.

August 20th, 11:50pm

Sometimes I wish Amy was my mom.  Tonight went to Suzie's house for a sleepover.  We were hanging out, reading magazines in her room, when I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  I made it just in time before I threw up.  I didn't want to say anything at first, because I was afraid I'd have to go home and we'd been having so much fun up until that point.  But when I came out of the bathroom Amy was standing there with a cup of peppermint tea.  "Here, drink this." she said.  "It always helps a bit with stomach flu."  Then she told Suzie to make sure I didn't stay up to late and to let her know if I needed anything.  Suzie's already asleep as I'm writing this.  She's the type of person who can fall asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.  I usually need to read or write for a while before I fall asleep, but tonight I'm exhausted.  Hopefully I'll feel all better in the morning.

 August 21st, 3pm

When I woke up this morning the first thing I did was run to the bathroom and throw up again.  When I came back to Suzie's room she asked if I needed anything and I yelled at her, "Don't you think I can take care of myself!?"  I didn't mean to yell, it just came out.  "Wow, PMS much?" Suzie said.  "I'm just in a bad mood because I'm sick.  Besides, my period isn't even due for..." I paused and counted.  Oh God.  It was seven days late.  Suzie must have seen the shock on my face because she asked me if something was wrong.  That's when I started to cry.  "It's okay," she told me, "it's not like you have anything to worry about.  It's probably just late because you're sick.  Besides, you seem pretty emotional, I bet you'll get it any day."  But I just cried even harder.  "Suzie," I asked, panicking, "what if I'm not sick? What if..."  Suzie just looked at me and laughed.  "Lily, I know you're pretty sheltered, but I thought you'd at least know that you have to have sex to get pregnant."  I didn't say anything.  "You didn't." Suzie looked more shocked than I'd ever seen her. "With who!?"  I took a deep breath and told her the whole story.  I could tell she was shocked, but more than anything she was just concerned.  She even offered to get me a test, so I could know for sure, but I told her I wasn't ready. Not yet.