guarded (boyxboy)

one: new kid in town

I admit, I was lost. Stuck in a never-ending cycle of confusion. Confusion, a concoction of my own made up of heartbreak, guilt, and loneliness. For the longest time, I didn't know where I was. My feet were planted firmly on the ground, unmoving, yet I was drowning. Her name was constantly swirling through my mind, in and out, but never absent. The question why was etched on my tongue, yet I could not form such a simple three-lettered word with my lips. I wanted so badly to burn the world, blame it on everyone who put thoughts in her head, but I knew I couldn't. 

I couldn't because it was my fault.

~~~~

Kody

 I shivered, pulling my hood farther up over my head in an attempt to hide my stinging ears from the frosty November wind. Shoving my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, I huffed and stared down at the ground, taking step after step towards the school that, starting today, I would be calling mine. I was lucky to have been put in a foster home that was a 10 minute walk from the school, but seeing as I was now living in Wisconsin, the fall wasn't a very warm one. I was now beginning to regret declining James', my foster father's, offer to drive me. He said that he wouldn't be able to do it every day, but he didn't mind today since it was my first day of school. I refused, my insecurities and anxiety getting the best of me, and was now suffering through the cold.

There were many thoughts dancing through my mind, many emotions and scenarios as to how today would go down. High school was no merry-go-round, especially when being thrown into the pit of a new school when the term had already begun several months back. I knew that by this point, groups of friends were already formed, students already found clubs, activities, and places that they belonged. I, however, was just going to be the "new boy".

I sighed, once again allowing the thoughts and fears trouble me, but decided to push them away. I didn't find many difficulties in making friends, and I was used to being moved around a lot because of the fact that I was put in foster care at a young age. However, I felt like this time, things were different. I was going to be graduating at the end of this year, and turning 18 in May, and more than anything I was hoping that this would be the last foster home I was stuck in.

The sidewalk dipped as it met the asphalt road, and I looked up, the tall school in sight. Clouds blanketed the sky, gray and looming, and it looked like it was going to rain. I continued making my way towards the white brick building, decorated with students milling around the front and a large sign presenting the school in all its glory. I scoffed at just how stereotypical and hilariously cliche the school looked.

"You've got to be kidding me." I muttered under my breath and the words came out in puffs, dissipating into the cold air. I shook my head, dread and anxiety bubbling up inside me.

Once inside the building, I stepped into the main office, only being able to tell it was due to the sign outside its double doors. I pushed up my sleeves to my hoodie, almost immediately feeling the consequence of the heated school, and more than anything I hated being hot. The lady at the front desk looked up, smiling briefly before speaking, "Hi there! How may I help you?" I wanted to shudder at her cheery tone.

"Yeah, hi, I'm Kody Derieous, today's my first day." I said simply, my voice laced with an accent from the many childhood years being born and raised in the UK. I rested my arm on the counter, revealing a small, lettered tattoo wrapped around my forearm near my elbow. I watched as the lady's eyes flickered to the inking and back up to me, her smile fading then quickly replaced with another fake one. I could easily see the disapproval in her eyes, and I had to hold back a burst of laughter. It was amusing.

"Ahh, yes. Mr. Derieous, I have your schedule here along with a map of the school, your ID card, and your locker information." She said, handing me several things before turning back to her computer screen. "Now, would you like someone to show you around before you go to your first period class?" Her voice sounded stale, and I rolled my eyes, not caring if she saw or not.